O foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you,
that ye should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ hath been
evidently set forth, crucified among you? (Galatians 3:1)
Let
us look at the church with a parent’s lens. It will help us appreciate the
reason we have the issues we see in the church today. That a parent determines
to a very huge extent how a child turns out is not in doubt.
The
major reason is that the relationship between a child and parent will set in
motion a path (I may call it a rut) the child may be unable to leave however
hard he tries. That is the plain teaching of the Bible.
What
do I mean? You may be wondering.
Do
you know how hard it is to discipline a neighbor’s child, however undisciplined
he may be? Do you know how disconcerting it may be to rebuke, even scold an
adopted child?
Why
is that?
The
parental link is a loose one. And it is temporal however permanent you may want
it to be. Sad to say the step-child step-parent bond for the most part fails
due to that.
Your
child on the other hand is yours and you made the connection that leaves no
gaps, no options. You can therefore beat him sore and he won’t think of running
away as he has no better place to run to. But it is also because he is assured
of love and concern; they know that however painful it might be, it stems from
love.
I
have had a slight experience with an adopted son. And it was not a pleasant one.
There are things I really wanted to say or do but couldn’t as I was not sure
his past experiences enable him to handle the new things or facts I am
presenting. Their past injuries, probably neglect may have predetermined them
to be unable to receive my concern. There is a rebuke I may have but am unsure
they may be able to even recognize it as such or may think of it as hatred.
You
relate with them with gloves in your spiritual hands. Because they may just
choose to walk away from all your love and concern like mine did without
notice.
That
is why discipleship is so important to spiritual growth. You see, spiritual
relationships are not much different. One’s level and depth of involvement in
the spiritual life of a believer determines their level of intervention
especially if something goes wrong.
It
explains the reason very few pastors preach against sin. They are scared their
‘flock’ will run away and look for another shepherd. Another reason is that
they really are not spiritual parents as they are not interested in properly feeding
in that flock.
If
truth be told, they are just interested in the offerings those sheep keep
bringing. But even if we overlooked the offering expectation, there is no real
familial connection to warrant an open rebuke because the pastor is just one of
the people the believer meets in his journey of life. He therefore has no
spiritual ‘moral’ status to rebuke someone else’s child since their connection
consists of the sermons he preaches. His sacrifice is therefore limited to the
preparation of those sermons and nothing else.
That
is the reason marriages are breaking all around us as no congregant trusts his
pastor with his intimate and deep issues since he was never involved in their
foundation. They do not trust you with their bosom matters. They will only call
you when they are celebrating this or the other as that is what your sermons
feed them on. Many pastors know their sheep has divorced from the rumors. And
he is not ashamed to be called their pastor!
I
have heard pastors complaining that people are filling other people’s offices
(who are not employed as pastors) even as the pastors lie idle. One actually
made that complaint in a staff meeting. They think the title pastor is all a
person needs to approach someone for spiritual assistance. Some pastors get
frustrated when they realize that their secretary is more spiritually sought
than they are. They sometimes accuse their secretary of sabotage or
insubordination without realizing that someone will always go where they are
sure of getting the required assistance. It is therefore not strange to find a
gateman handling more spiritual issues than the pastor who has employed him
because he has a better father heart than his boss.
Why
are churches so full of divorcees, single mothers and women who call men dogs?
The pastor supports them. And I mean what I have just said.
Why
does the Bible say that God hates divorce? It is simply that, God hates
divorce. This directly means that He loves it when marriages are healing or
healthy. That is God’s standard.
It
therefore means that a pastor with God’s heart will seek healing for all those
breaking or broken marriages. He will lack sleep looking for solutions for
those relationships. And instead of preaching success and breakthrough he will
concentrate on healing for those relationships. Because he seeks to deal with
one thing he knows God hates.
Some
talk of irreconcilable differences. What makes them so? What have you done to
decide they are such if the only word you have is from one of the two parties?
Has God told you? Has He told you He tried and failed to restore the
relationship? How much prayer have you invested in the healing?
A
hurting person kicks very hard to prove to the world that they are past the
injury; and spiritual and emotional injury is even worse. They may be acquiring
this and the other to prove that they have moved beyond the injury and
especially to show the partner who was involved with the injury that their
departure was of no consequence. That show of success is a very thin veneer to
cover a very bleeding heart and spirit that only a genuine shepherd can see.
That
is why I am talking about a father’s heart. It is because a good father can see
beyond braggadocio to an injury being covered. And it is because he is
interested in the inner person as opposed to outside manifestations. He is
aware that those outside accomplishments are temporal and have no capacity at
all to offer real contentment or fulfillment. They are even worse as they might
divert someone’s focus from the eternal. Imagine your sheep going to hell as
you are applauding his earthly accomplishments!
The
modern pastor is just a druggist specializing in pain killing medication
(spiritual). He is not much different from the methamphetamines people take to
dull their frustrations instead of facing them. His teaching dulls people from
their injuries, making them live in denial as if the denial will make the
issues disappear. Then they will start to pursue other interests to fortify
that denial.
When
was the last time you saw a pastor introducing a couple whose marriage he has helped
restore? Have you even seen such an event in any church you have attended? Does
it mean that all broken marriages have irreconcilable differences?
It
is interesting, however, to find out that the hurting will rarely run to a
pastor without a father’s heart, even if he does not have the title. It is just
like with children who have a home with the best toys yet will never run there
in a crisis but will run to the one with a heart sober enough to parent them.
Have
you seen a pastor weeping for broken marriages in his church? Have you seen a
pastor in pain because his young people are not seeking his blessing before
starting to cohabit? Have you seen a pastor calling for a fast to reverse the
tide of breaking and broken marriages? Ever heard a pastor threatening to
resign if the leadership does not exhibit Christlikeness? Remember Ezra?
This
points to a pastor who is an employee instead of a father. He is what Christ
called the hireling. The state of his congregation does not warrant his pain,
however agonizing their hurt is.
I
simply want to state that a father experiences more pain than his hurting
flock/ children.
That
is what is lacking in the church today. Very few pastors have any empathy for
their congregation. Their pain does not affect the pastor, unless it is those
with resources to pamper him. And it lacks because very few pastors are
interested in parenting their flock. That is why nowadays the only ‘sin’
warranting excommunication is disagreeing with the pastor or his leadership.
Paul
could write those tough words because he was not scared the church could desert.
And we see the same when we read his letters to the Corinthians and many other
letters. He was writing as a father to churches he not only preached the Gospel
to but was also involved in their discipleship. His position of authority over
them was therefore not under any threat.
Another
thing I will add is that a father is not a crisis handler. He sees ahead of
time and therefore prepares the child to avoid danger ahead.
As
an example, no failed marriage failed after the wedding. The grounds for the
failure were laid much earlier, in the betrothment and the courtship and the
preparation for the wedding. It many times starts with the company the two kept
and their views on marriage. And of course the foundation was laid in the kind
of marriage their parents had.
A
good father (pastor) will therefore be more interested in the preparation for
the marriage than he will be in the wedding ceremony. Some wedding ceremonies
are the foundation for failed marriages for the simple reason that they elevate
the event way above the relationship.
It
therefore means that a godly pastor will ensure that the relationships of the
people under his watch are real and healthy. That display for this or the other
is minimized, if not killed altogether as it has a capacity of diverting
attention from the real important issues.
Again
this is what discipleship is and does.
And they continued stedfastly in the
apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.
(Acts 2:42)
Instruction
is a must, instruction on the scriptures. The youth will not be left to wander
in the maze of relationships without fatherly (pastoral) instruction as it is a
sure recipe for failed marriages.
This
is just one aspect I have dealt with. Suppose pastors would ask God to give
them His heart for His flock. Will they look at His flock in the same way?
I
have not even touched on the hurting, especially the ones whose hurt or shame
drove away and the fact that a father will look for them wherever they may have
gone hiding. Again as a father he will spare no cost to restore. That is the
plain teaching of the Bible. That is one reason David was elevated from
shepherding sheep to reigning over God’s heritage. I remember reading the story
of a father who became ‘homeless’ on the streets to be able to reach and rescue
his drug addicted daughter.
A
Biblically persuaded pastor will not only weep for the hurts of those he
shepherds. He will actively seek those who even think they are beyond rescue.
He will go to the dumpsters to rescue sheep that have sunk that low and have no
capacity to even imagine rescue is possible.
Like
Christ said, a pastor with His heart will not seek the healthy, but seek the
sick to bring them Christ’s healing.
What
kind of pastor are you? What kind of pastor shepherds you?