Dating and Scripture

I want to state as categorically as I can that I find dating a very unscriptural concept.

In fact, even love before marriage is a very dangerous thing as the few examples we have in scripture demonstrate.

Jacob loved Rachael long before he married her and there was no end in the drama in their shared life. In his later years, it becomes clear that he had realized that Leah was the solid partner in his life and faith.

David also loved Michal before marrying her. Again we see enough drama to the point that he breaks scripture to get her back from her husband among much other drama.

I know some will shout Joseph and Mary.

Do you realize they were pledged to be married? It was marriage in waiting. That is why when Joseph discovered her pregnancy he planned to DIVORCE her secretly. Again God says the same. Do not fear to take Mary YOUR WIFE, not AS your wife.

They were not dating but waiting to consummate their marriage.

Dating is like touching the water to gauge its temperature yet you are not ready to bathe. It is like smelling well cooked food yet you know you will not partake of it for a long time.

In any case, what does the Bible say about love?

Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned. (Song of Songs 8: 6, 7)

How do you test death?  That is the way you test love.

It demonstrates the folly of wanting to prove its presence or otherwise.

Look at Isaac. He married Rebecca before he had set his eyes on her.

Yet his love endured her barrenness for twenty years without looking for any plan B. Compare that with Rachael.

Nowhere in the Bible have I seen any scent of dating. And it becomes even worse for believers because it really points at our lack of faith and obedience.

You see, if we must test our relationship and compatibility (whatever that means), we really are not open to God’s guidance. It can’t be faith if it is plotted by our ingenuity.

Does it mean I can just pick anybody on the street and we make a wonderful couple? I know someone is asking.

Yes. And that is if God is the One who has directed me there.

You see, the outward can cover a lot of stuff, some of it so unsavory. And like the scriptures say only God is able to accurately look at the content of one’s heart.

A very spiritual person could be very wicked and not even know it. Why?

The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked like Jeremiah wrote. And he continued by stating that ONLY THE Lord knows the heart of man.

Some people are good because they have no opportunity to become bad.

Some are holy because they have no opening for becoming wicked.

Some are generous because they have had no chance of being stingy.

And some are religious because they know nothing else.

Yet others are bad because they have no opportunity to be good.

What I am saying is that only God knows the capacity of a person to holiness or wickedness. And dating has no capacity at all of exposing that inner man for your assessment.

Could anyone have dated Rahab the harlot? Yet we are able to see her faith and later inclusion in the lineage of Christ. Why? God had assessed her heart even when she was in condemned Jericho and knew she had the capacity for better faith than most in Israel.

Those are some of the things dating blocks even as it opens doors to other dangerous issues.

Explain to me how someone can date for five years and divorce after two or less years. What knowledge did they not possess in that time or what secret had they not known in those years to divorce so quickly? Yet that is rife nowadays.

Like I also ask, how many people who marry people they have never seen like Isaac have dramatic marriages, especially where parents and other authority figures were involved?

The truth is that the human heart is deceptively wicked. You can stay with a person for a lifetime and never really know what they are like.

Worse still is that in dating we have two actors, each wanting to paint themselves in the best colors as they seek to see below the surface of their companion.

There is no faith involved in dating. There is no divine guidance involved in dating.

Worse still, dating exposes the daters to spiritual risks and temptations that would have been absent otherwise.

How many fall into sexual sin during the dating period?

The emotional energy required for dating is monumental. The spiritual sacrifice required is prohibitive since it does not come from faith.

This explains why very few who date for long (over two years) get married

Sadly, the breakages are rarely mutual. One person will lose steam as the other increases theirs.

Again this explains the many cases of murder and other crimes on people who loved each other to hell and back. You see, one deposits his last coin as the other is closing their joint account, leaving one emotionally bankrupt. This can explain their desperation and illogical actions. And it becomes worse because the spiritual was given a ride elsewhere.

Suppose we listened to God when we wanted to get married? Suppose we asked Him to guide us to the person He prepared before creating the world to be our partner? And suppose we followed His lead?

The first result will be our commitment to the marriage, the number one reason marriages stand.

The second will be the growth of our love for each other and for God.

The third will be the absence of any looking over the fence for any grass to see if it is greener since God can only give the best. It means we will stop comparing our spouse with others, our marriage with others since we know that ours was made in heaven where all others ought to have been made from.

Even our disagreements will be looked at with the same lens.

Will we be led by the Spirit in marriage like we like to boast about other things? Will our worship extend beyond singing (the only thing some think worship is) to the choice of the person we get married to?

Will we shed our preferences and prior wrong training on marriage to wait on God concerning this pivotal aspect of our lives?

To get you off your high horse of knowledge, explain to me why childhood sweethearts divorce, or even fight. Haven’t they known each other all their lives even before loving as adults and thinking of marriage?

Of course there are scriptural standards, and they are very clear when we read the Bible. But do you think God can flout His rules when you ask Him to give you a spouse? Can He?