Wounded Fighters 2

Before we look at some reactions of wounding in ministry, I want us to look at some of the wounds.

You are in a choir and notice some sinful things between some members that probably go all the way to the leadership and you do the right thing and confront them, thinking that they do not know what they are doing.

They call a meeting where they smear you with all sorts of ‘sin’ so that they can justifiably kick you out of the choir. Yet all that sin is fabricated and you both know it. But they go farther and stain your name in the church itself so that you are treated with suspicion there also, though even in the church they know you are innocent. None cares to hear your side of the story.

You are a pastor serving under another pastor or bishop. This superior notices that people love your preaching more than his.

He therefore decides to block you from the pulpit, yet that was the primary reason he brought you. In fact, that was your job description. He even blocks you from invitations to other churches.

Then he sacks you for insubordination when you respond to a school invitation. And he does so publicly that churches far and wide know you as a crook.

You are involved in the finance department and notice that some leaders have made church money theirs. On investigation, you notice a cartel and realise it would not be wise to confront them directly.

You therefore go to the senior pastor or bishop with some leakage so that he could wisely intervene.

That is when you realise he is also in the cartel!

He does what you told him by ‘exposing the cartel’, but with you as its head. He even presents documents showing how thievery you and your cartel are.

You are a young pastor whose ministry has much ‘power’. But you realise that there are sisters who are giving you sleepless nights. Their tempting stares and postures and handshakes make you uncomfortable. You know that you won’t be able to serve in their presence for long before your faith takes a nosedive. It might be strategic or ignorant but you know you can’t trust yourself to serve in purity in their presence.

You therefore go to your superior and request that he moves you to a place less tempting and give him the reasons. You tell him that you wouldn’t mind serving there after getting married.

The superior, who fits to be called your father, comes and tells the meeting everything you told him in confidence before dismissing you as too weak to serve.

These are real stories and not imagined. And they happen all the time in the church of Christ. In fact, these are just a few of some I have been told. There even worse situations.

One time I was in the CU committee and they schemed against me. Why?

A pastor had preached his own things and I had confronted him in private. I looked for his postal address and sent him a letter detailing what he had said versus what the scriptures say. I even gave him my room number so that we can look at the scriptures together.

Instead of responding to me, he went to the other leadership (probably the chairman) and accused me I don’t know of what.

We therefore come for a normal committee meeting and I am ambushed. Everybody in the meeting knew what was happening except me, the ‘accused’. But then I stand my ground and ask them to use the scriptures to prove me wrong.

Of course I was outshouted and kicked out of the leadership yet they were not the ones who voted me there.

But I wasn’t kicked out of the CU and so continued attending. Until I realized that my arrival froze any in the leadership leading the service. I therefore stopped so that they continue fellowshipping.

The saddest part is what they did when the elections for a new committee came. They rigged so blatantly to ensure that neither I nor any of my friends get into that leadership, as if I was interested. It was worse than what politicians do.

Take this person who in his zeal for ministry used his time and money to run errands for the pastor, knowing they are ministry assignments. He even borrows when he doesn’t have fare. Only to realise much later that it was a job the pastor was doing, and paid handsomely for it. Yet he never even once offered to give him fare or buy him a cup of tea. Probably he discovers that he was helping set up clandestine sexcapades for the pastor or illegal or criminal business deals.

Or this other one who was given a prophetic word to get into a pyramid scheme where he lost all his savings.

Probably the pastor got you when you were vulnerable and then took sexual advantage which killed you with remorse and conviction. Then you realise he didn’t feel a thing. He even was making other advances at you. He may even have accused you of laying snares at him when he feared you might expose him.

The causes of injury are too many to compile. I am just sharing a few I have come across as I ministered encouragement, sometimes to some who have been extremely broken.

But allow me to say that the cause of the injury is someone held in very high esteem. It must be someone whose ministry has never been questionable in your eyes. Many times it is someone you esteem more than your parents for their spiritual potency.

And that is the reason the wounds are very deep.

One indicator that there are injuries that are unhealed is generalization.

All men are dogs. All women are whores. All Kenyans are this. All Nigerians are that. All Kikuyus are this. All Luos are the other etc.

That is a clear sign of festering wounds as their vision is blurred by the pain. Anyone therefore who looks like the source of his pain is a prime suspect, in fact a condemned criminal of what the perpetrator did to our subject.

That is why you hear some say that all pastors are conmen yet they were conned by only one. All singers are sex maniacs yet they only know only one or two.

Due to that, they will run as far as possible from ‘those’ who have caused the pain. And this includes those who may be wanting to help, because they are on the same category. And this blocks their healing as they have trashed helpers. Again this is because the pain has blinded them.

It might alienate them from their spouse because they cannot see the monsters you are seeing and is more logical about your situation which is interpreted as dining with the oppressors.

Some will go the hibernation way, and I have talked about that elsewhere.

Our interest however is those who will insist on continuing with ministering amidst the wounds.

They will rarely, if ever, agree to serve under anybody, simply because you can’t determine the distance to keep from your ‘boss’. But it is easy to do the same with your subordinates.

Subordinates are also safe because they simply can’t cause much injury.

But as a human being, the cry for companionship is powerful. The craving for that hug over time becomes overwhelming. And it is worse because you really have nobody you can relate with at the same level because you are the boss.

When someone comes to you for help with injuries you will simply find a kindred soul. And that hug you give in assurance could very easily lead to you being another monster.

You see, having insulated yourself from the human touch you started to behave as if abnormal was normal without knowing that your emotions were boiling just below the skin. You were therefore more vulnerable than a naked baby outside at night.

That reassuring hug gave vent to all those submerged pressures. And their release was as fast and powerful as a tire burst that you were unable to rein in on them let alone understand what was happening.

And just like that you changed from a victim to a culprit.

Sadly, it relieves all that pressure that it feels like redemption. It is only at the mind level that it is sin, and over time the mind can be conditioned to think otherwise. But at all the other levels it feels so good.

When your victim shares their conviction, you wonder what they are saying since that is what saved you, or so you think. It released you from the jail you had locked yourself in in an instant.

You then start looking for those releases and become the pain you were running from.

And it happens through all aspects of abuse.

Pain that God has not been allowed to heal becomes repetitive as the abused becomes an abuser.

We will be looking at other aspects later.

(I have posted today because I will be on a trip next week. Pray for me)