Christ’s Love for the Church vs. Romantic Love

It is a saddening fact that most Christians look to the world to understand God. When this happens, we are sure to get a distorted view of reality because the world is in rebellion against its creator. When this happens, we can be sure of one result, confusion.

What is love? The world talks of love as a fluffy and spineless feeling that is looking for release in sex or other emotional and psychological high. It is a purely self-seeking engagement. Remove sex from the equation and the world is bewildered because that simply can’t be love. Replace feelings with decisions and you might be talking about something else altogether. Remove romantic endearments with discipline and you may as well be speaking about hate.

Yet the Bible talks about love in marriage like the love between Christ and the church. Is there sex involved? No. Does He love us because he ‘feels’ us? No. He made a decision to love us so that He can save us. Does he pamper us as He becomes all romantic? Nothing can be farther from the truth. He loves us to change us.

One reason Christian marriages are falling apart so frequently these days is, I believe, we are reading the wrong script as we enter into and seek to remain in marriage. And we know the world, being in enmity with God, is not interested in the success of the marriage institution. On the contrary, it is directly opposed to it since a good marriage clearly portrays God.

As I have always said from the observation of history, look at any society that has a distorted view of marriage and you will find a society that is confused about heaven. Take any society that trivializes marriage and you are sure to find a society wrestling with the reality of heaven. You see marriage is the closest picture we can get of heaven.

Any study of Christian marriage that does not seek to clearly understand the relationship between Christ and the church is actually a study that is doomed to fail even before it starts. Seeking to understand the relationship of a husband to his wife and vice versa without understanding the workings of the church of Christ is simply a waste of time, probably even worse because it gives the wrong targets to aim at.

Seeking to understand the workings of a female brain that does not connect to the different phases of Israel’s history may be psychologically sound but spiritually spurious.

I am convinced that the greatest error the church fell into was the teaching that there is equal partnership in marriage. That part of man’s responsibility is to enhance the wife, even to the point of sharing, even handing over his authority with her. Does Christ share his authority with the church as an equal opportunity partnership? Doesn’t each have their role to play? Is Christ’s authority open to question by the church?

God severally referred to His relationship to Israel as a marriage. That is why any leaning towards idolatry was addressed as adultery. In Ezekiel we see very graphic detail of Judah’s idolatry given as the strayings of an adulterous wife. Someone who has been fed with the modern counseling about marriage may wonder what is wrong with God. But is that where the problem really is?

Whose idea was it for the institution of marriage? Is it the social scientists’? Who are we to trust when there is a conflict between the designer and an observer? How wise would we be to take a Toyota car to a Chevrolet manufacturer for spares, even repairs?

I want us to look at several verses that address the marriage relationship in the scriptures and compare them with what social scientists talk about marriage.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5: 22 - 24)

 That is a very controversial passage in our times. It is simply impractical to some, especially Christians. How can the wife be subject to her husband in everything? What about her democratic space? What about her enhancement and progression? Is the Bible not becoming openly chauvinistic? But I think the right question to ask is; how does Christ relate with the church? You see, since the marriage is a picture of heaven, it is imperative to get an accurate picture of the same. Remember what Moses was commanded, … look (make sure) that thou make them after their pattern, which was shewed thee in the mount. (Exodus 25:40)

Any other pattern will be unreliable since marriage was God’s idea in the first place.

If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond … (Numbers 30:3)

… if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her (Numbers 30: 6 - 8)

A very strange verse for our times, times where it is the women who bind and loose their husbands. Times which have women as pastors holding sway over marriages. Yet what does the Bible say about this? Do you notice that a woman’s commitment to God is subject to the approval of her husband? And this is from God Himself. A woman is enhanced by her submission to her husband. She discovers herself as she submits to him.

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church (1Corinthians 14: 34, 35)

What does this say about the spirituality of the man? Is it the reality on the ground? How possible is it for her to ask her husband if he is disconnected to the spiritual, thinking it is the domain of the woman? I am sure we know that many men think that prayer is the domain of the woman. Many will just let ‘mama’ lead family devotions. Is that the picture we get from the scriptures? Does Christ let the church determine the spiritual direction of the union? Is Christ subject to the church?

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1Peter 3:7)

Whose prayers are being considered here? Do we have a woman’s prayers subject to such a caveat? What does this indicate if not that a man should be the one in the marriage known for his prayerfulness and spiritual leanings? Were there any women priests? Or do we think that God forgot that women can also become spiritual? Wasn’t He the one who created them? Is it then in order for us to delegate our responsibility to them when God did not give us that allowance?

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. (1Peter 3:1 - 6)

What evangelistic tool is being given to women over their unbelieving husbands? Is that what we see? Why then don’t we see it? Is such advice even considered in marital counseling? Have we heard of women who come to cast out demons from a husband they chose when they realize the mistake (I call it sin) they made by walking by sight? And I am talking mainly about the sight of his purse or family.

Let me continue this message that I wrote several years ago.

But let me first show you something I also saw very recently as I read the Bible.

Mary the mother of Jesus was called by very big titles when the angel visited her. The same was repeated when she visited Elizabeth. Yet have you realized that once Joseph came into the picture we have no mention of God speaking or sending an angel to speak to her? God only spoke to Joseph, even concerning Mary, the well favored one.

Take the child and His mother, go back to Israel, settle in Nazareth, etc.

Why do you think God overlooked the carrier of the Promise even in things concerning her?

Do you realize that God’s communication with a husband did not need any understanding or concurrence of the wife? Yet when an angel appeared to Samson’s mother, her husband’s request was honored (Judges 13).

On the same plane, when a couple sinned, it was the man who was held responsible (Eli, David, Solomon, etc)

In fact the only time we see a woman being held responsible was in Ahab’s case, and even then Ahab is the one who was judged for that rebellion.

Remember Solomon also. His wives led him astray yet were not held responsible for that rebellion.

And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife… (Genesis 3:17)

The woman was formed to complement the man, not to control him. A man’s ears are to have the first responsibility to hear from God and no one or nothing else. Considering a wife’s voice when responding to God’s order will make you fall into all these men’s traps.

Like we have seen with Joseph, God primarily speaks to the man in a marriage situation. It is the reason even a wife’s commitment to God is subject to her husband. And that is the reason he is sorely responsible for the spiritual direction his family takes, not the wife, however spiritual she may think she is.

Why is that so? A woman is very conscious of the present. Present circumstances offer very powerful persuasion whatever decision she makes. No wonder in worldly things that instinct is very useful as the here and now constitute her makeup. That is why the noble woman is known for he entrepreneurial success.

But that instinct is a very poor guide in the spiritual realm.

Curse God and die is what Job’s wife told him as she saw the suffering he was going. Her love for him overshot her reality of the God her husband stood for all the time she had known him.

Get me a child by proxy is what Sarah told Abraham as her age made the promise inconceivable. Her circumstances made her forget the promise that had kept her husband focused, even refusing to marry another wife for that child due to God’s promise that drove him.

Let us get children with our father is what Lot’s daughters decided as they could not see a way out of the dilemma the destruction of Sodom had got them into.

Why do you dance like a lunatic? That’s what David’s favorite wife asked when she saw him dancing for God.

That is why a man must have a very clear connection to God to be able to handle all that pull into the present from his wife.

I know of men who were persuaded to leave a course of ministry God had led them or even spoken to them about because their wives could not imagine handling the challenges it would bring about.

I am not saying that we do not listen to our wives. I am simply saying that comparing her voice and opinion with God’s is abominable to God. And it is you and not her who will be judged for it. Considering her opinion when God has spoken is rebellion of a very high order.

A man’s primary responsibility is worship. That is where his leadership proceeds from. He subdues nature because he is subdued before God. He leads because he is led. He loses that for anything or anyone and he becomes a mess on all fronts. And elevating his voice above God’s brings about chaos. It is no wonder that many romantic marriages break as they have lost their centre which is a spiritual leaning man. Incidentally even marriages where the woman is more spiritual result in instability.

What kind of man are you? Whose voice guides your decisions? Where s God in those decisions?

What kind of man do you have as a husband? Is he leading you toward God or to the present that you understand much better than he does? Do you challenge him toward the spiritual or are you content to swim in the abundance the present offers?

Reminds me of something I heard from the Lord yesterday as I read His word.

Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself. But godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Timothy 6: 5, 6)

Do you realize that gain equals godliness is the leading doctrine of our time? Yet it is so far from the Gospel we should be preaching because it is all focused on the here and now. It has no place for holiness as it does not deal with sin. But I may have to build that message more completely later. Suffice it when I say that the present so focused makes us lose focus of the eternal, which is the spiritual.

Let me close with one last verse to show that a man has the responsibility of leading his wife spiritually.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, (Ephesians 5:25)