Behind a Successful Man

Will you allow me to restate one of the most famous statements of our times?

Behind a successful man could probably be a nagging wife.

Have you ever considered that nagging could be a major contributor of success in men?

Otherwise explain to me why many men run off with concubines and have affairs when they become screamingly successful?

If you think you will satisfy me with the argument that man is by design promiscuous, explain to me why they were faithful before they hit it. Or why they will seek to conceal those extra ‘marriages’ from her, if at all they were there, before he succeeds.

However, I do not support adultery, whatever pretext or excuse anyone may bring. Sin is inexcusable in God’s eyes. Nor should it be in mine.

But the success people talk about when they make that quote is not according to God’s standards. It is a worldly type of success, one that looks at worldly accomplishments for qualification. And worldly standards will pursue a worldly fulfillment.

We will not take a Biblical worldview in judging the same though we have a Biblical assessment for the same.

… the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. (Proverbs 19:13b)

Nagging is like that continual dripping, making home the most uncomfortable place for the husband.

He will therefore look to spend as much time outside it as possible. And we know that a good man will spend all that energy on productivity. Meaning he will succeed beyond the normal success a man in a stable relationship with his wife will reach as he is always looking for a way out of that dripping. Of course others will get lost in vices like drunkenness.

But that success is not complete as its driver was the ‘hell’ on the home front. That is why he will willingly run to the home wrecker for solace.

Let us look at nagging. What is it?

At the very base a woman craves to control her husband. The pressure she applies and the manner she applies it will determine whether it is positive or not. It is the negative pressure applied with great and constant intensity that is known as nagging.

Sarah, Abraham’s wife, was the epitome of submission. That is what she used to have her husband marry another wife against God’s call and promise. A submissive wife rules her husband by suggesting. The pressure on the husband is to keep his wife content, and pleased with his efforts.

Nagging works differently.

In it a woman will actively and forcefully fight to gain control, many times by demeaning him or comparing him with ‘successful’ men.

It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. (Proverbs 25:24)

Man will naturally fight the hardest to prove her wrong. That is why after proving he is a man will run off to also prove to her that she is not the only attractive woman there is. The woman discovers too late that her nagging has run full circle. But it is worse on her because she does not realize that she not only was the cause of his success but also of his running away. She will then be left whining as she swims in the success she made him get.

I do not know whether you realize that most men who cling to power do so because their wife will have nothing to do with leaving power. Sadly, it is the same with pastors and bishops who refuse to even take their sabbatical, let alone retiring because ‘mama’ will not allow him to rest as their position could be ‘grabbed’ by somebody else.

Another problem with a vast majority of women is the fact that they are unable to adjust downward. What I mean is that it is very difficult, if not impossible for many women to adjust to a lowering of their standard of living. It explains why very few parents, if any, will advise their son to marry higher than their status.

It is the reason very few women will agree to stay with a man whose fortunes have plummeted while they had endured with him as he climbed that ladder.

While ‘love’ may have forced her to lower her status, it becomes increasingly difficult for her to adjust to the new normal.

That is the problem David had with Michal. She was always comparing him and his with her father’s kingdom to the point that she could not be restrained from showing scorn to him.

Yet it is in the spiritual when it is most destructive.

A woman at a higher spiritual level might appear most humble (even believe so) yet this will apply extreme pressure on the man on the spiritual front. Many times this is what will challenge the man to thrive in earthly pursuits to compensate for that deficiency.

I pity men who have their wives as their pastors. How does the head agree to be led by the body? Let me not go farther as you know what I am heading to. And it is the way it is even if I do not write it here.

You see, God starts with the spiritual before adding other dimensions.

A wife is expected to submit and obey her husband in everything according to scripture. That is why Sarah was commended as she even agreed to be taken to a harem to protect (of course in obedience to) her husband. She followed him when even Abraham had no clue about where they were heading apart from ‘to a land I will show you’.

That is why the spiritual weight is laid on the man. Do you know that God lays the sins of a woman on her husband? Numbers 30 clearly states that a wife’s vows are subject to her husband and any errors will make him liable. Tell me which wife was judged for something they did?

The only exception is Jezebel and even then Ahab took the whole judgment of her wickedness. Why was he judged for killing Naboth yet he did not know how the scheme was carried out?

A woman more spiritual than her husband is the epitome of nagging as she places him at a great disadvantage however well-meaning she could be. Though he is her spiritual head, he really has no leadership at home. That is what the Bible plainly teaches.

A case in point is Moses. His wife was the firstborn (does the Bible say that?) of a priest who does not appear to have sons. As such, she was the heir to that office. This of course meant that she was really connected in the spiritual, making Moses like these men who have their wives as pastors. That is why she is able to stop him from circumcising his son as apparently he had circumcised the firstborn without consulting her.

Do men have options?

Make a desperate connection with God, though they many times could even cost you the marriage like it did Moses.

You see, when Moses made the connection the wife simply walked back as I do not think she was ready to submit to him and his new status. She had to be brought to him by her father and we do not hear anything else about her. Could she have been the reason Moses was so focused and later married another wife? Just guessing.

Our number one defense against nagging is therefore not succeeding. It is establishing a solid relationship with God so that He can lead you away from her control. Then her nagging will be irrelevant as your focus and pursuit of God’s will be unshakeable. Her nagging will be the fuel we will use to climb the heights of spiritual revelation and obedience.

‘Because you listened to your wife’ is God’s reason that man fell. Hearing God’s voice and obeying it is therefore what every man should pursue.

Then your success will be according to God’s description of success.

The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. (Proverbs 10:22)

But not all women are naggers, just like not all men who are nagged run off to other women after becoming successful.

We are simply looking at the normal progression of a normal fleshy man faced with a nagging wife or a woman with more spiritual authority or power than he has.

It simply means that the best insurance a man has against instability in marriage is immersing himself in the scriptures and not the preaching of men. Then he will know enough from God on how to live with his wife.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1Peter 3:7)

Men need that knowledge because the most painful part of nagging is being compared with others and his effort being compared with the successes of others.

And it is not wisdom because a woman is like shifting sand due to her hormonal guided emotional imbalance, swaying between extreme devotion to extreme spite as her status dictates.

You therefore can’t use yesterday’s treatment to judge today’s outburst as they are unrelated.

The solution to nagging is therefore spiritual potency as being close to God will give you an up to date solution to her volatile nature. You will have the stability her instability looks for to rest upon.

A wise woman will tread carefully and communicate clearly especially when she can sense those swings because her husband would then know that it is her state and not something he has done. And do not run to other men, even men of God, to get leadership, however unconnected you think your husband is. Submit only to him. He is the one the Bible calls your head, meaning eyes, ears, nose, brain. Do not transfer those faculties to another man as it is infidelity though no sex is involved.

Yet even in those swings the man is ultimately accountable for what she does.