Consummation of Marriage

A friend on fb posed a question and answered it using the wisdom he has. I will ask the same question and look at it in the light of scripture. I will also post it in answer on his wall. I will use my words.

A couple gets married and find out that they can’t have sex. What is their marital state? Are they married? Is divorce an option?

My young friend seems to think that they really are not married because they cannot consummate the marriage. That divorce is the only option.

What does the Bible say about marriage? When does the marriage covenant begin? What are the grounds of dissolving or invalidating a covenant?

Legally, not consummating the marriage makes divorce smooth sailing. But I am here talking as a person who believes the Bible as God’s word.

Does the marriage covenant happen when two people take vows? Is sex part of the vows?

Because then the vow could easily be framed as I take you as my legally married sex partner. And I will look at the vow later.

Apart from arranged marriages, most people meet and love each other much earlier. The covenant is established when a proposal is accepted. The rest is procedure. And even with arranged marriages the covenant begins much earlier, when the families start meeting. There is normally a small token whichever culture you look at that make the whole thing covenantal. And before the token is received the girl is asked whether they will ever allow the same from a different suitor and they will say no. That is the covenant.

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. (Matthew 1: 18 – 20)

Why should God call Mary Joseph’s wife yet they had not consummated their marriage? Why would Joseph put her away yet they had not even gotten married? The covenant begins much earlier than the wedding. The wedding is the public pronouncement of the covenant.

The Bible also says that David was given another wife when he refused to get warm. But he never consummated it. Why was Adonijah killed for asking to marry her yet according to my friend’s reasoning she really never got married to David?

The last question I will ask concerns the marriage vow and the One before whom we make it.

What does one mean when they say ‘in sickness and in health’? Is lack to perform not a health issue? Do we believe in God who can heal all diseases?

What are we saying as believers if we can decide that we can nullify a covenant we made before God for something God can resolve? That we can break a covenant yet still confess to believe in a powerful God?

Where is the fallacy of my friend’s argument?

First, it minimizes the power of a covenant. Second it limits God’s power. We become the Sadducees that Christ dealt with on the same issue.

God can heal, and He does heal when we are committed to keeping our vows. Ecclesiastes 5 talks of vows and why it is important to keep them.

Allowing this serious issue to become a ground for divorce will open a floodgate of other grounds. Like childlessness, and disability, and major sickness.

This is the reason I oppose dating after the proposal as it makes a covenant conditional. In fact very few long courtships lead to the altar according to my observation. Yet very few think of that as breaking of a covenant. And breaking a covenant has consequences, among them being the inability to consummate a later covenant.

I would like to have a talk with that couple as I believe Good has a very good solution for their marriage if they are committed to it. And I believe they are.