Sex Dynamics

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. (1Corinthians 6: 18 – 20)

Why is it that a married woman proudly parades her bulge whereas the unmarried will conceal it until it is like an open wound? Why do people hide when they are getting into brothels? Why is it shameful to buy contraceptives for unmarried people when the married are called into forums for the same? Why do people hide their clandestine lovers from family and friends yet proudly show off their spouse at every occasion?

Why is it that the easiest way to trap someone into marriage is getting (or getting them) pregnant?

Sex was not created for a purely biological function. When the Bible talks about sex making two one, it means that sex unites the totality of two people at all levels; physical, psychological, social, even spiritual. It goes without say that that dynamic determines our response to sex to a great extent. No counter education can reverse that inbuilt response to God’s creation.

Sex that seeks the gratification on one dimension is not only unfulfilling but also empty and addictive, if I may use the word, only because it seeks gratification from one or two dimensions. It thus sets in play a cycle of sin that will leave one craving and crying for more yet unable to access anything of worth. Let me explain.

Masturbation is a problem with many young people. Why is it so? The body is crying for gratification and the person responds by trying to offer that release in the only dimension possible, physical. It is like eating the skin of a fruit! It leaves a bad taste and makes the body crying for more, a more that becomes a vicious cycle as it results in eating more and more skin. A physical sexual release can never be compared to sex as sex is not only physical.

Remember this guy in the Bible God killed for using condoms? Tamar’s husband died and it became the responsibility of his brother to raise a son in his name before making her his wife if he chose. But he became like our generation. He chose to enjoy that freely available sex with no strings attached. He thus absconded his social and spiritual responsibilities even as he enjoyed that sex. We can easily conclude that he abused or even misused his brother’s widow for personal enjoyment. I suspect God killed him to free him from the prison he was slowly enclosing himself in addition to speaking to us of a half hearted way of enjoying God’s created functions.

Remember Amnon? He was sick to the point of losing weight, and I suspect many hours of sleep because he ‘loved’ his sister. Yet it was on a purely physical level. No wonder the Bible says that after he had enjoyed the sex he hated her more than he had earlier loved her. Why was that so? Sex without responsibility leaves a bad taste in the mouth, spiritually speaking.

Sex is wholistic. Leaving one aspect out offers no gratification, only a greater craving that many times you may not even understand what it is because you are not interested in pursuing it.

Hit and run, one night stand, come we stay are also as addictive as they are destructive and for the same reason. They are not much different from prostitution because only the physical dimension is pursued, though come we stay may want discreet company.

Avoiding or protecting from the consequences of sex is a clear indicator that you are on the wrong plane. The Bible talks of the two becoming one. Imagine being one with plastic, however thin and transparent, between them!

Remember in Eden they were both naked and not ashamed? Is it possible to be naked and sheathed? Can I be naked and protected from anything from my partner, for argument’s sake?

But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (1Corinthians 7:9)

Sex outside a covenantal marriage relationship is empty, shameful, unfulfilling, addictive and wasteful. Get married to enjoy sex the way God created and meant it. Do not pursue short cuts that have no capacity to offer any gratification or fulfillment. Stop eating only the skin, making do with useless roughage that does nothing to fill the stomach or build the body.

Get married if you want to have sex, and I am not talking about a bush wedding where there are no witnesses. Go to your parents and make your relationship official before you start enjoying the goods. Then look for a church that will allow you to get married with what you have as opposed to setting the gold standard before allowing you to get married. I believe many pastors are heading to hell because they have made a wedding the preserve of the rich due to the demands they make on people willing to have their weddings officiated in their churches. I am many times tempted to take a license from the government to officiate marriages because of the demands some pastors place on young people willing to get married in church. But God has not given me the order, so far.

But let us talk if your pastor insists on you meeting unattainable requirements before officiating your wedding. I believe there is something that can be done.

But avoid those short cuts at all costs. Enjoy sex the way God meant it to be enjoyed. Make the commitment before looking for the gratification.

As an aside let us look at this verse also.

And Moses went down from the mount unto the people, and sanctified the people; and they washed their clothes .And he said unto the people, Be ready against the third day: come not at your wives. (Exodus 19: 14, 15)

Why was sex forbidden before God’s visitation? See also 1 Samuel 21: 4, 5.

Sex, rightfully engaged, induces a state of rest that in turn induces sleep. This is the result of the merging of two persons at all levels, not only physical.

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1Corinthians 7:5)  

Sex offers a spiritual release if the spiritual is part of the sex, and that is if the parties involved are in a covenantal marriage relationship. Otherwise there is no such release and no fulfillment for a level not yet reached. That is the reason a person can leave a harlot and go to a pulpit and experience no ‘fatigue’ that a married man would have if he did the same after having sex with his legally married wife. That is why a person can masturbate many times in a day yet give away no evidence of the same even as they minister. That is why musicians can have orgies before an event and have enough energy for the performance even in church.

But do not be deceived, these are captives of sin, a sin they must commit yet that offers no fulfillment or joy. I remember the times I was in those far of places where it appears as if God has stopped being involved in the affairs of men. You get shocked when you see the kind of depravity people who were generally sober get into once they get to a place nobody recognizes them.

I remember an incident that makes me laugh. A young man had come for a short term contract and was staying where I was working.

‘Do women here burn people (wanawake hapa wanachoma)?’, he asked

Of course they don’t, I replied. I had never heard of a single incident.

Only to realize years later that the minister in me had been ignorant of the real question as it was completely outside my frame of reference. The real question was, do women here have venereal diseases? I do not know whether he got burnt and what he thought of me if he did so.

Sex outside marriage, pre or post, burns. And the place it will burn most is the one that is defiled by sex outside its boundaries, the spiritual. And like a friend said many years ago, there is no condom for the heart (or spirit for that matter). Protecting yourself from the physical and social consequences of sex will never offer the same protection against the spiritual consequences of the same.

Do not allow yourself to be deceived. If you must have sex, get married, and get married right. It is no wonder that sex without consent is called defilement, and many people feel defiled after having that quickie, whether they allowed it or not. And many feel condemned when they are in that come we stay marriage. Yet nobody ever felt defiled any time they have sex with their husband or wife.

And if you are married, enjoy sex and do not deny your spouse that sex. Or do you not know that the quickest way to nullify a marriage is by proving the absence of sex in the marriage? The exception is when both of you are fasting as we saw earlier, and even then not every day.

If God allows I might one of these days talk about sex in the marriage context. But today I just wanted to challenge you to take God seriously in the area of sex

Garissa

I was in Garissa last weekend following an invitation from Super Kids Africa ministry. My brief was to introduce discipleship to Sunday School teachers. This is my second time to minister in Garissa, the first being in 2002 or 3.

Garissa is the gateway to North Eastern province, home to the unreached Somali people who are predominantly Muslim.

I want to give a few observations I have made about Garissa, especially on the state of the church there.

The first is that there are no Somalis in the churches. This means that the churches are composed sorely of expatriates and outsiders, or imports if I may be blunt. Just pray that God will show you the reason there are no Somali Christians in churches in their land. Then pray that God will show you what is needed and how you can pray for His solution. And be prepared to be part of that solution.

The second thing is the lack of discipleship in many churches. And this can be got by testimonies and the way they are given. Also by ministry and the way it is performed, and who performs it. Even by passion and what or who drives it. And of course the services and what is given prominence in them.

If your church is known by one or two pastors even when it has other pastors in its roll or employ, or one of them outshines all the others; when a minister must agree with the superstar or board for their ministry to be accepted, allowed or supported by the church; when the superstar is the final authority in all matters doctrine, discipline or church vision; when disagreeing with him becomes more dangerous than sinning, then that church is in dire need of discipleship, however many ‘discipleship groups or classes you are running.

When deliverance is the only stone that hits at character and sin issues; when someone has to go through deliverance again and again; when church members and believers are ‘manifesting’ demons, there is a very urgent need for discipleship.

I could go on and on. But if the Bible is not central in every aspect of the church, from the pulpit to its polity, there is a great possibility that what you are running is not Christ’s church but your own organization or denomination. And if it is a church, it is impotent in the face of the world and its needs. Simply saying, there is no way you can draw the world to the Savior under such conditions.

Could this be the reason the church has been unable to draw any Somali’s to Christ for all those years?

I believe that lack of discipleship is the reason for impotence in the face of such a hosting community.

What can we do? We start by praying that God connects us to Garissa pastors praying for God to do something in their midst, especially concerning outreach. Then we allow God to prepare us to step in to make a difference once He opens that door. Then we offer our money to avail discipleship materials for that and also to fund persons who will avail themselves to go to Garissa to start that discipleship.

Who will join this team? Who will lead it?

Let us pray.

Media Mania

And such as do wickedly against the covenant shall he corrupt by flatteries: but the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits. (Daniel 11:32)

I want us to look at the media with an ancient eye, the Bible.

Have you ever examined the truth the media talks about? What is its relationship with the real truth? Have you read one story or news item from two newspapers and wondered why you are reading two unrelated stories sharing a few similar items? Or have you watched two events or news covered by different TV stations that look completely different? Maybe you have been to an event that on reading its reporting wonder whether it was another event they are reporting.

Truth in the media is relative and depends or several variables, key among them being editorial policy. Editorial policy simply represents whatever the one who pays the piper wants. Thus, if I own a media house, whatever will be covered and how it is covered MUST represent me and what I stand for. ‘Balance’ and ‘neutrality’ are things put to attract consumers, sponsors and advertisers.

Media represents the world and its standards. Secondly, it is an avenue for making some people insane amounts of money. And thirdly, it promotes values that have no real moral significance, many times being of very negative moral impact to society.

‘Plastic Surgery and the Church’ is a message I posted some time ago that would be good to read to accompany this one.

What makes someone popular? Isn’t it visibility?

I recently saw a quote that amused me. It says that a problem shared becomes a trending topic. That is where we are as a generation. Our value system has been overhauled by the media. But it becomes worse because the gallery has shifted to our bedrooms due to social media.

Why do I say so?

The media has always made people famous, or infamous. And social media is notorious for this, though media has always played that role. It is only that social media has taken leadership from professional and licensed media. Of course this has introduced other dynamics. To some it has all but blanked out mainstream media altogether.

Let us get to our topic, flattery. The passage is dealing with anti God schemes and agenda. This therefore is but one of the weapons in his arsenal.

What gets most likes on social media?

Why is it that a girl who posts herself sitting badly (I doubt anyone not old school like some of us may understand what that means) gets an overwhelming amounts of likes and followers? What message are we sending to these children under formation when the only things that are likeable are gross or immoral?

We are telling them that only drama gets appreciated (through the likes of course). Sadly, only the negative reports are worthy of any notice, let alone likes.

Compare this – a minister confesses of being unfaithful to his wife. Who between the one who is repenting that sin and the one who ‘comes out of the closet’ and trashes his marriage to move in with his new heartthrob will be celebrated by the media?

I do not want to parade moral sewage to clearly put my point across. But it is clear that moral rottenness is rewarded, or at least positively acknowledged by the media.

It is for those likes that a girl will take a selfie with barely any clothes on because that is what is liked. That explains why a man could boast of defiling a minor, even post photos of the same. Interesting is that before he was arrested he had already become a trending topic.

Remember this brother who mistakenly sent an overly sensual and romantic message to a prayer group? How long did it trend?

I believe that is what the Bible means by the verse. The world today is about highlighting the morally repulsive and blanking out godly values.

This is the reason any believer interested in having a living connection to God MUST be wary, very wary of whatever media is, offers and represents. There are enough mines to wreck your faith at every corner. And I believe social media is the most innocently destructive of them because it conditions us slowly and effortlessly as we give it permission and are with it everywhere we go.

The solution comes from the second part of the verse. We succeed by looking elsewhere for affirmation, even information. We derive our drive from elsewhere.

Where? We must seek to know God because only He can offer perspective concerning what the world is offering. We must decide that we will seek God above all else.

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

We will choose to spend more time knowing God than knowing the kind of garbage the media is spewing. I will speak more with God than I post and comment on social media. And of course I will order my life and priorities on what God has said than what is trending anywhere.

This is because not only is the media focused on the frivolous and irreverent, it is clearly and directly opposed to godly pursuit and living, at the very least by shutting its eye to it. And imagine what that tells our impressionable young generation, and that is assuming we are wise enough or have grown out of the same! Simply that righteousness or holiness will never be trending topics since nobody notices them. Why waste time pursuing them?

But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; (1Peter 1:15)

But God’s people do not pursue holiness to trend. They do it because it is the character of the One who has called them.

He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son. But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. (Revelation 21: 7, 8)

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God. (1Corinthians 6: 9 – 11)

The choice could be between trending and heaven. What will you choose? 

The Balaam Syndrome, the Implications

But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumbling block before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication. (Revelation 2:14)

We are continuing with Balaam, but this time we are looking at the implications and application. We will also look at other people who contributed to destruction of the people they led.

At the foundation of this is the reality that in a forest, the bigger the tree, the more trees it destroys in its fall. In ministry, as in all of nature, a leader many times carries the fates of those he leads.

Saul was rejected as king. But very few, if any, people knew as Samuel made no press statement of the release from heaven. How many people walked at cross purposes with God as they sought to get rid of the threat to his kingdom from David? How many died as a result to that? And how many others died when his son was made king to continue his dynasty?

Do you realize that only one writer mentions the backslidden nature of Hezekiah after his famous answer to prayer? Yet we see that answer blocking any other prayers concerning Judah when we read Jeremiah.

Jeroboam condemned Israel by his search for security. Balaam removed the cover over Moab by his greed. And of course Adam changed the course of nature by his sin.

But it is not only in the negative that a leader has such power. Moses saved Israel through his intercession again and again. Noah saved the world by his obedience. David saved his people by taking responsibility.

How do we operate in the Balaam spirit?

Many times it is through tacit acts of self seeking. Like Balaam we find it hard to say no to great offers, or offerings. We can’t resist that position as it represents our greatest dreams.

We will of course pray with one eye open because our mind is already made up. What do we expect God to do? Like Balaam and Hezekiah He will let us have our way since we are closed to any other way.

Probably God led you to start a ministry that over the years has become really big and serves many. Of course it also offers you a handsome package as its leader. Then God tells you like he told Hezekiah that your work there is over and you should move on and start something new. You might weep like Hezekiah that you need to reap more from your labor. And God will allow you to continue serving in a chapter He has closed. And like him you will produce enough Manassehs. Or you will pretend you have not heard His new order and operate like King Saul of old.

Either way you will have hordes following you and walking in your rebellious spirit. And they will be heading to the hell you are heading to irrespective of all that assurance you are pushing into their minds.

What was the last order you received from heaven? Do you wonder why there are no new orders you are receiving? Could it be that there was an order you trashed that removed you from the list of obedient servants so that He does not consider you when looking for servants?

Maybe you were serving in a church that was not appreciating your back breaking labor. Or they were taking you for granted. Maybe they even mistreated you. Then another church gives you the offer of a lifetime. Surely God would understand, you reason. You do not see any need to pray for clarification.

Let me give you my own experience. I was called to the city to start a new ministry. In a short time it was doing very well from all fronts. But the leadership had thought I would be their PR or errand boy to increase their visibility. When I refused to play their ball they decided to literally kill the ministry. I was not given any options, or even a fall back plan. I was in the city with a young family and zero upkeep.

I decided to go back home as the prospects were better. I had a house and a farm, and even a business that I had left when I was called. But God told me that He needed me in Nairobi.

Then a church called me. They wanted me to be their pastor. And the first thing they offered was a free house! I do not know how I was able to hear God’s voice in the midst of that offer. But He told me to turn that offer down. Of course you know that housing is the single most urgent need in a city, let alone for a person without support.

He also did not give me a shortcut out of the crisis I was in. He just issued the order. He did not even give any explanation (a lord never does anyway). And obedience did not smooth things all of a sudden. A couple of times I was almost thrown out to the streets for rent arrears. And landlords were even more frustrated because the only promise I could give was ‘when God provides’. And He always provided, though no exactly when I thought I needed. Many times He went beyond the deadlines I was given.

But years later I can confess that He has taken very good care of me and my family. He gave me more children and provision for them. He even expanded ministry in far greater ways.

This post is directed at believers, not only their leaders. This is because as we saw a leader heading the wrong direction carries all those people he leads. A rejected leader leads his people to rejection, a rebellious leader to rebellion. We have seen that with Balaam, Saul, jeroboam, Hezekiah and many other Bible characters.

We must take responsibility for our spiritual growth. We must build our capacity to be lead personally by God. We MUST stop using proxies to relate with God. We must know God’s word for ourselves and not give someone that responsibility; however anointed we may think they are.

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. (Matthew 28:20)

We can’t obey all when we are receiving small doses every service we attend. I suggest that you read the post ‘Caplet Christianity’ on the blog to understand what I mean.

Knowing the Bible for yourself will help you when your spiritual leader loses their connection. Connecting with God at a personal level will save you when your leader is taking the rebellious route. And hearing and following God’s orders will save you from being ignorantly rebellious.

Again I will give you my example. There are times God has given very clear orders that are trashed by spiritual leaders when I seek their counsel. I remember once being laughed to scorn when I repeated what God had told me. Yet He did it the way He had told me!

You will realize that even with King Saul that there were people who were able to know that the cloud had moved, and especially where it had moved to. Interesting enough some of them were the greatest beneficiaries of Saul’s kingdom, his relatives the Benjamites.

In fact, apart from the down and outs he had started with, the rest of his army consisted of all these who were spiritually attuned to know that God’s order had changed; and that David was God’s choice for king. No wonder he was invincible. Imagine leading people who can also hear from God!

Yet now you find pastors being threatened when a member of their congregation becomes or even seeks to become deeper in his spiritual life!

Why did you start that church? Did you realize that you also had teeth to chew the offerings? Were you being frustrated yet you knew how to also run a church? Did you want to show your former boss pastor what blunder he had made when he overlooked you when appointing another pastor?

Why do you attend that church? Is it because he pastor is so much fun? Is it because the church is too big to hide your immaturity? Could it be the class it represents? Or all your friends attend it?

Did God order you as to where you will attend church or minister?

Obeying Him is what identifies you with Him.

Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity. (Matthew 7: 21 – 23)

You realize that these are not going to hell for sexual sin, or lying, or stealing. In fact they are doing all the right things. The only thing they have missed out is God’s will. That is what sends them to hell.

I hope this makes it clear that it is critical that we know God’s will for us at a personal level. And we can only do that by first knowing His revealed will by knowing His word, the Bible. We do that by reading it consistently and completely on a daily basis.

We then get to His specific will by developing our devotional life. We will spend time in prayer, and value it above our comfort.

But finally we must determine that we will do His will at all cost.

I am not trashing counsel. I am simply saying that it falls under secondary, probably tertiary methods of knowing God’s will. Many times a sign may be a more accurate method.

Again I have benefitted from counsel numerous times. But the accuracy of the guide is subject to the nature of his connection to God. That is the problem we are dealing with here. A guide who has diminished the Lordship of Christ can never help me submit to that Lordship. A guide who has no dealt with his sin and rebellion has no capacity to help me deal with mine.

What is the solution? We must first take responsibility for our spirituality. We must get back to the basics of our faith. We must start to place God’s word where God has placed it (Psalm 119: 89, 111).

We must repent for our sin and rebellion. We must repent for absconding our spiritual growth, giving it to superstars instead of our Lord and His Spirit. We must repent for replacing His word with motivation and other voices, even voices of His servants.

But above all we must establish that we will seek to know His will and obey it from our closet.

What if I am guilty of trashing His voice in the past? Repent and start afresh. David’s sin was gross but he was given a fresh start when he readily repented. Then determine never to quench the Spirit again. Then walk in radical obedience.

Suppose I am in a structure where it is clear that the leaders stopped walking in obedience? Ask for clear orders concerning it. Running away from the evidence of past disobedience is still disobedience. Choose to start obedience from that point. Ask for clear directions on the way to deal with your past rebellion. You can best help that structure by starting to walk in obedience.

Value the Bible. Spend adequate times in prayer. Seek the fellowship of those inclined to radical obedience. And God will surely reestablish communication with you.

Yet we are talking about lordship, Christ’s Lordship. He is the One who demands our complete obedience at all times.

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him. (John 14:21)

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: (John 10:27)

I don’t see any place for proxies or brokers in these verses. Nor do I see pastors, apostles or prophets there.