When Marriage Kills Faith

I have been thinking about this topic for some time now, with several perspectives coming into play.

I will start with one reality to help us examine this truth.

Proverbs 31 talks about the noble woman.

Think about this; what other women does this envision?

We have the normal woman and the ignoble woman, and we are only talking about marriageable women, women who will value marriage and choose to stay in marriage. We are not talking about the wayward woman and the adulterer. We are not talking about the fisherwoman with her snares and baits. We are not talking about the adventurer and woman of the twilight.

According to the passage, the noble woman is very rare, as rare as rubies. Solomon talked about finding a faithful man in a thousand, yet finding none among women.

Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found. (Ecclesiastes 7:28)

We know he had a thousand women, wives and concubines. It is reasonable to suppose that none of his wives and concubines qualified as a noble or even reliable woman. I am sure he even considered his father’s marriages and failed to find one, even considering his mother whose advice he was penning down.

The noble woman is therefore way up there. A vast majority of us men will have to do with the normal and ignoble wives.

Where do we draw the line? You may ask.

I want us to look at the noble woman first. Where was her husband? Why is very little written about him in the narrative about her?

We are only introduced to him at the city gate. We are not told what he does there. He may have been a politician, a judge, or even an idler. Being known is not synonymous with doing good.

She is industrious and entrepreneurial. She seems to have been the provider of the home from all that is written about her.

Despite all that, she still respected her husband and proudly carried his name whether he was a nobody or a somebody. His position was not subject to his status or performance.

We are finally told where she gets this from. She fears the Lord and submits to His word. It is out of that that she honors her husband. She does it simply because that is what God demands.

The noble woman operates by the dictates of God’s word.

Let me talk about my mother. After my father left the forest and detention after the Mau Mau war, he took another wife and neglected his first wife, mum. She brought us up singlehandedly (with a lot of God’s help of course)

She got saved about the time I was born, and radically so.

Yet even with all the neglect, the mistreatment, the abuse, she never even once failed to take him his three meals a day to the day of his death yet he did not even give anything for the preparation of that food. Never once did I hear her answer him back however high he shouted at her. You would know she had been hit hard when she retreated to her bedroom to pray during the day. And she taught and expected us to respect him though we saw nothing of a father in him as he had those children he treated as his.

How many of you women can entertain such a man in your life?

Yet we can still find some other noble women in the Bible. And their secret was one - they sought and went to God with their all.

Rahab the harlot is one of them. She left everything she knew and even risked her life to join the God of Israel. Ruth risked loneliness, despondency and a bleak and uncertain future to do the same.

In the New Testament we have two Mary’s. One risked stoning, single motherhood, infamy and taunts to be God’s servant. The other chose to sit at Christ’s feet to hear from him until her normal sister sought Jesus’ intervention. She later poured all her savings on His feet.

The noble woman seeks and chooses God above anything and everything else.

Who is the normal woman?

The normal woman is just that, normal. She is guided by fashion, and I am not talking about clothes. She is simply what we would call a thermometer. She goes by what everybody is doing. She doesn’t want to stand out much. She must be normal just like the rest.

She will be great in the midst of noble women because she then would adjust and become noble. But it would be the same when she lives among churlish women as she will adopt another normal.

The normal woman must fit in her circles. The crowd is her standard.

Her husband goes through intense pressure to fit with the crowd. He must buy when they are buying. He must move when they move.

Woe to the brother if he happens to be a minister of the Gospel subject to God’s Lordship! He will be nagged day in day out without fail. I think that is where this verse came from.

It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. (Proverbs 25:24)

This is especially true if you are married to a normal woman when in different or atypical pursuits.

The problem is that normal is transient. This is the reason I mentioned fashion. It means that the normal woman can never experience contentment and will therefore be pressuring her husband to pursue being like other men all their lives. She will nag when you do not get as many toys as the neighbor and complain when in the pursuit of those toys you do not have time to take her out as the other neighbor.

I know of many ministers who left their calling because of their normal wives. I know missionaries who deserted their mission field because of their normal wives. I know ministers who started selling their calling (sermons, counseling etc.) because the stipend the church was offering could not satisfy their normal wife.  And I know ministers who graduated to irrelevancy because of the pressure of their normal wives. And I know ministers who changed their sermons from what God inspired because of the pressure of their normal wives. I will not even talk about other men. But how does it go for them if those with God’s call on their life can be so harassed!

I think this far you are getting a clue to what I am aiming at.

Who is the ignoble woman? I believe this is a woman who came with her own spirituality, albeit not of God. This one will NOT submit to her husband or his God whatever he may do. These are the few we will look at in the Bible.

David had many wives and concubines. Yet do you realize that there are only two who are mentioned beyond them being wives?

One is Michal, Saul’s daughter; the one David killed 200 Philistines to get. Do you remember she was sent as a snare by her father? We do not see her submitting to David or his God even when He brings the ark to Jerusalem.

The other is Absalom’s mother. She was also the daughter of a king, a heathen king. Do you realize that two of her son’s attempted to take their father’s throne when he was yet alive?

Do you realize that Ahab was not that wicked as we see God even mentioning it? Jezebel, also a heathen king’s daughter is the one who was the power behind his throne, and as wicked as the kingdom that raised her.

We see her daughter doing the same in Judah.

Solomon is at the pinnacle in this. All the princesses he acquired from the heathen nations were able to change his heart that was initially sold out to God. The Bible says that his wives swayed his heart from his commitment to God until he built idolatrous places of worship in Jerusalem.

The reality of the power of a woman to change the spiritual leanings of a man does not lower the high bar the Lord has placed on the man. You realize that none of the women was judged for leading their husband astray, except Jezebel, though God laid the blame squarely on Ahab.

I suspect Mugabe overthrew himself when he realized he could not keep his wife’s ambition in check. He may have realized that she was capable of doing anything to ensure that she or her son took power from him. But that is my hypothesis, a fallible one of course.

The man is accountable to God for the direction his family takes, whatever type of woman he takes as wife.

Joseph was given a priest’s daughter, a higher spiritual position than that of a king, yet he never waned in his spirituality. She is the one who finally submitted to him. And I say this because she was able to raise her sons in the Hebrew faith.

Moses married a priest’s wife who refused to submit. And we see quite some drama as we see her once being brought back to Moses by her father even as we remember her having to circumcise her son after she realized God was serious about his commands.

Like I have said elsewhere, when you find out that in your ignorance you married a fridge, choose to burn so hot for God that it will either explode or flee. You are the one who will be judged for losing your fire to that fridge.

I suspect it may have been the pressure from such kinds of women that drove David to sin with Bathsheba. But he dusted himself up and increased his fire until he became useful to God again despite those wives.

The key is the same for men as for women. A woman submitted to God will become all that God has purposed for her, sometimes even not getting married. A man submitted to God will also seek and become all that God has purposed for him irrespective of the pressures exerted on him.

And that is the reason I never tire to challenge believers to consistently read God’s word. Then, and only then will they be able to get God’s clear direction concerning every aspect of their life.

You might already be aware that a lot of what is called Christian culture is unbiblical. And I came to that conclusion when I decided to search God’s word and will when my marriage was on a rocky patch. I realized that people have condensed their preferences (some of which have their roots in idolatry) and added a verse or two and baptized them Christian. I am certain that is the reason as many Christian marriages, if not more break as those of unbelievers.

The Bible; reading, studying and meditating is the key to avoiding marriage become the waterloo of your faith.

In summary let me describe the three types of women available for marriage.

The noble woman gets her inspiration from above, the normal gets hers from around and the ignoble from beyond (I do not want to say below)

The noble woman has her cheering squad in heaven, the normal has her neighbors as her cheering squad while the ignoble has her cheering squad in her past.

What type of wife are you? Single woman, where do you think you lie in all honesty?

Man, where is your wife in this mix? Where do you think you are if the tables were turned? Have you realized that God holds you accountable for her, whichever kind of woman you got?

And young men, do you realize the seriousness of the kind of wife you get as you pursue to keep those raging hormones in check can very easily kill your spiritual pursuits or spur them and especially that God will hold you sorely responsible for the spiritual direction your family takes?

This can tie nicely with ‘Without a Trace’, a past post.

God bless you

Without a Trace 2

They that see thee shall narrowly look upon thee, and consider thee, saying, Is this the man that made the earth to tremble, that did shake kingdoms; (Isaiah 14:16)

Last week I posted about people of faith being obliterated by God’s wrath. It is a possibility even today that when we play God we attract His wrath. And playing God does not just mean designating yourself as God or calling on people to bow before you. How they treat you and talk about you can open the floodgates of that wrath.

Remember in Acts Herod being eaten by worms as he gave a brilliant speech? Yet he was not a believer!

I want us to look at unbelievers to get us know that God clears the memory even of those who do not know Him when they elevate themselves above others or are elevated by their people. Worship is the preserve of God. Any other person or thing that invites or entertains it opens themselves to His wrath.

I am the LORD: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images. (Isaiah 42:8)

Why was Egypt flattened during the exodus? Pharaoh had asked, ‘who is the Lord?’ You realize that the Bible says that those ten plagues were God’s judgment on all their gods. In other words Egypt suffered because they came in the way of the Living God. They had called Him to a duel.

Ever realized that most kingdoms do not lose their status through defeat? That most collapse at their peak? Why is it like that?

The God factor! They either start believing they are God or behaving as if they are, whichever words they may use to argue to the contrary. God steps in and they simply implode, without needing human effort.

Remember Sennacherib taunting the God Hezekiah believed in? God goes to his army at night and kills 185,000 of his troops. He then hears a rumor and retreats back home where he is killed by his own sons as he is worshipping his god.

Remember Nebuchadnezzar eating grass? Remember his grandson and mene mene tekel peres when he was having a bash in his palace after he decided to use God’s temple utensils to praise his gods?

Where is Alexander the Great? Where is Julius Caesar? Where is Pharaoh? Where is the Tsar? Where are their descendants?

Can we find the trace of people who shook the world at their peak?

Where are Stalin, Hitler, Mao, Mobutu? What happened to them that we do not hear of their descendants anywhere? Where is Haile Selassie?

Incidentally it is not only the evil rulers who attract that wrath. The very good easily fall therein as their people’s applause easily become adoration. Like Jeroboam and Saul one can start with great and effective people and end up judged because of what people make them into. Many start as servant leaders and end up as tyrants. Yet many are judged because their servant leadership stands in the way of God’s revelation and glory.

I thought I had finished the message until God reminded me to write especially concerning political leaders. God is in the business of demonstrating that He still rules over the affairs of men.

There is an arrogance I am seeing in political class that makes this message very current. There are politicians who are playing God especially to their supporters. There are politicians who speak words implying that even God needs their support to remain God. And I believe there are politicians who are so full of the devil that they are, like these politicians of the past, taunting God because of their ‘popularity’ and power.

And they get this arrogance many times from the men of God they have swallowed into their cult. Ministers are spewing their narrative without thinking. Ministers are bargaining for them without caring that God also an opinion, which is not even an opinion but final authority.

God is about to strike, and the false ministers will be felled with their benefactors and heroes and champions of whatever. And the hit will be so complete that in less than a generation you will not even be able to trace any of their descendants. Like was told Jeroboam they will be swept as completely as one cleans faeces from a house.

And we do not need to look far to see this as a repeat of something God has consistently been doing. How many politicians of the recent past have disappeared? How many of those who made headlines and shook the nation can be traced?

God can use democracy to bring you down. But democracy is a human tool that does not necessarily demonstrate God’s hand.

I believe God will do a thing to leave no doubt in anyone’s mind that He is the one that brings these gods down. Only then will He get the glory that only He deserves. And I will repeat that all those men of God who have swallowed their bait will be swallowed with them.

Let me use the Bible to explain. Jehoshaphat was a godly king. He is the one who put the choir before the army as he went to war. But like Solomon he made a political blunder by aligning with Ahab who was on God’s crosshairs. He even took Jezebel’s daughter for his son though God put several road blocks to that alliance.

Do you realize that his son was killed when the house of Ahab was being obliterated? And there were over forty other princes of Judah who died then. Then this bride from hell decided to clear David’s lineage when her son died. It took an aunt to save the smallest. All the rest were killed. All because Jehoshaphat who feared God was careless with his alliances!

This is a post to believers and not politicians as God has called me to minister to His church.

Repent for involving yourself in politics, even if it was just inviting a politician to your church. Repent even if it was just introducing a politician to the congregation. Repent even if it was just visiting the politician in his office especially because you had a project you wished him to support. Repent even if you only swallowed his narrative and sought to amplify it and forgot about sharing your faith.

You will go down when he goes down.

Like I have said elsewhere politics is a spiritual structure. The judiciary is a spiritual structure. Business is a spiritual structure. Looking for support from a totally different spiritual structure is what the Bible calls harlotry, prostitution. And you know what God thinks about adultery.

Being mixed up concerning the side I belong to can be a disaster, a disaster that could obliterate my lineage. Yet most of us would sacrifice anything for our posterity.

We work hard so that our posterity can lead a better life. Many pursue degrees late in life more for the security of their posterity than the pursuit of knowledge.

Why would you sacrifice that same posterity by pouring vitriol in support of a person who has no problem pouring scorn on the God you worship? Why sacrifice it for someone you are ashamed of his dirty language? Why sacrifice it for one who is not ashamed at visiting the devil’s high places to seek political power?

God is about to strike. I have written some other posts on the blog about politics and politicians if you want to know my take on them. The prophetic books also deal conclusively with God’s dealings with kingdoms to the end of time. And pride and arrogance always brought kings and kingdoms down, without fail.

Are you ready to see God demonstrating His power over our puny political players?

Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it. I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree. Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found. Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace. But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off. But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: he is their strength in the time of trouble. And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him. (Psalm 37: 34 – 40)

On which side will you be found?

Consummation of Marriage

A friend on fb posed a question and answered it using the wisdom he has. I will ask the same question and look at it in the light of scripture. I will also post it in answer on his wall. I will use my words.

A couple gets married and find out that they can’t have sex. What is their marital state? Are they married? Is divorce an option?

My young friend seems to think that they really are not married because they cannot consummate the marriage. That divorce is the only option.

What does the Bible say about marriage? When does the marriage covenant begin? What are the grounds of dissolving or invalidating a covenant?

Legally, not consummating the marriage makes divorce smooth sailing. But I am here talking as a person who believes the Bible as God’s word.

Does the marriage covenant happen when two people take vows? Is sex part of the vows?

Because then the vow could easily be framed as I take you as my legally married sex partner. And I will look at the vow later.

Apart from arranged marriages, most people meet and love each other much earlier. The covenant is established when a proposal is accepted. The rest is procedure. And even with arranged marriages the covenant begins much earlier, when the families start meeting. There is normally a small token whichever culture you look at that make the whole thing covenantal. And before the token is received the girl is asked whether they will ever allow the same from a different suitor and they will say no. That is the covenant.

Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. (Matthew 1: 18 – 20)

Why should God call Mary Joseph’s wife yet they had not consummated their marriage? Why would Joseph put her away yet they had not even gotten married? The covenant begins much earlier than the wedding. The wedding is the public pronouncement of the covenant.

The Bible also says that David was given another wife when he refused to get warm. But he never consummated it. Why was Adonijah killed for asking to marry her yet according to my friend’s reasoning she really never got married to David?

The last question I will ask concerns the marriage vow and the One before whom we make it.

What does one mean when they say ‘in sickness and in health’? Is lack to perform not a health issue? Do we believe in God who can heal all diseases?

What are we saying as believers if we can decide that we can nullify a covenant we made before God for something God can resolve? That we can break a covenant yet still confess to believe in a powerful God?

Where is the fallacy of my friend’s argument?

First, it minimizes the power of a covenant. Second it limits God’s power. We become the Sadducees that Christ dealt with on the same issue.

God can heal, and He does heal when we are committed to keeping our vows. Ecclesiastes 5 talks of vows and why it is important to keep them.

Allowing this serious issue to become a ground for divorce will open a floodgate of other grounds. Like childlessness, and disability, and major sickness.

This is the reason I oppose dating after the proposal as it makes a covenant conditional. In fact very few long courtships lead to the altar according to my observation. Yet very few think of that as breaking of a covenant. And breaking a covenant has consequences, among them being the inability to consummate a later covenant.

I would like to have a talk with that couple as I believe Good has a very good solution for their marriage if they are committed to it. And I believe they are.

Before God sends revival

Before God sends revival, He first exposes the false revivalists

A precursor to revival is the disrobing and shaming of pretenders of revival

The first point of contact with revival is the radical treatment of sin irrespective of who is committing it

Our only qualification to revival is our unqualification and unworthiness (1 John 3)

We must allow ourselves to be purged by God before we can be used of Him

God will pick His revival leaders from the strangest of places because only He alone knows the ones He has been preparing for this season

I want to be part of revival in my generation. Do you?