Wounded Fighters 2

Before we look at some reactions of wounding in ministry, I want us to look at some of the wounds.

You are in a choir and notice some sinful things between some members that probably go all the way to the leadership and you do the right thing and confront them, thinking that they do not know what they are doing.

They call a meeting where they smear you with all sorts of ‘sin’ so that they can justifiably kick you out of the choir. Yet all that sin is fabricated and you both know it. But they go farther and stain your name in the church itself so that you are treated with suspicion there also, though even in the church they know you are innocent. None cares to hear your side of the story.

You are a pastor serving under another pastor or bishop. This superior notices that people love your preaching more than his.

He therefore decides to block you from the pulpit, yet that was the primary reason he brought you. In fact, that was your job description. He even blocks you from invitations to other churches.

Then he sacks you for insubordination when you respond to a school invitation. And he does so publicly that churches far and wide know you as a crook.

You are involved in the finance department and notice that some leaders have made church money theirs. On investigation, you notice a cartel and realise it would not be wise to confront them directly.

You therefore go to the senior pastor or bishop with some leakage so that he could wisely intervene.

That is when you realise he is also in the cartel!

He does what you told him by ‘exposing the cartel’, but with you as its head. He even presents documents showing how thievery you and your cartel are.

You are a young pastor whose ministry has much ‘power’. But you realise that there are sisters who are giving you sleepless nights. Their tempting stares and postures and handshakes make you uncomfortable. You know that you won’t be able to serve in their presence for long before your faith takes a nosedive. It might be strategic or ignorant but you know you can’t trust yourself to serve in purity in their presence.

You therefore go to your superior and request that he moves you to a place less tempting and give him the reasons. You tell him that you wouldn’t mind serving there after getting married.

The superior, who fits to be called your father, comes and tells the meeting everything you told him in confidence before dismissing you as too weak to serve.

These are real stories and not imagined. And they happen all the time in the church of Christ. In fact, these are just a few of some I have been told. There even worse situations.

One time I was in the CU committee and they schemed against me. Why?

A pastor had preached his own things and I had confronted him in private. I looked for his postal address and sent him a letter detailing what he had said versus what the scriptures say. I even gave him my room number so that we can look at the scriptures together.

Instead of responding to me, he went to the other leadership (probably the chairman) and accused me I don’t know of what.

We therefore come for a normal committee meeting and I am ambushed. Everybody in the meeting knew what was happening except me, the ‘accused’. But then I stand my ground and ask them to use the scriptures to prove me wrong.

Of course I was outshouted and kicked out of the leadership yet they were not the ones who voted me there.

But I wasn’t kicked out of the CU and so continued attending. Until I realized that my arrival froze any in the leadership leading the service. I therefore stopped so that they continue fellowshipping.

The saddest part is what they did when the elections for a new committee came. They rigged so blatantly to ensure that neither I nor any of my friends get into that leadership, as if I was interested. It was worse than what politicians do.

Take this person who in his zeal for ministry used his time and money to run errands for the pastor, knowing they are ministry assignments. He even borrows when he doesn’t have fare. Only to realise much later that it was a job the pastor was doing, and paid handsomely for it. Yet he never even once offered to give him fare or buy him a cup of tea. Probably he discovers that he was helping set up clandestine sexcapades for the pastor or illegal or criminal business deals.

Or this other one who was given a prophetic word to get into a pyramid scheme where he lost all his savings.

Probably the pastor got you when you were vulnerable and then took sexual advantage which killed you with remorse and conviction. Then you realise he didn’t feel a thing. He even was making other advances at you. He may even have accused you of laying snares at him when he feared you might expose him.

The causes of injury are too many to compile. I am just sharing a few I have come across as I ministered encouragement, sometimes to some who have been extremely broken.

But allow me to say that the cause of the injury is someone held in very high esteem. It must be someone whose ministry has never been questionable in your eyes. Many times it is someone you esteem more than your parents for their spiritual potency.

And that is the reason the wounds are very deep.

One indicator that there are injuries that are unhealed is generalization.

All men are dogs. All women are whores. All Kenyans are this. All Nigerians are that. All Kikuyus are this. All Luos are the other etc.

That is a clear sign of festering wounds as their vision is blurred by the pain. Anyone therefore who looks like the source of his pain is a prime suspect, in fact a condemned criminal of what the perpetrator did to our subject.

That is why you hear some say that all pastors are conmen yet they were conned by only one. All singers are sex maniacs yet they only know only one or two.

Due to that, they will run as far as possible from ‘those’ who have caused the pain. And this includes those who may be wanting to help, because they are on the same category. And this blocks their healing as they have trashed helpers. Again this is because the pain has blinded them.

It might alienate them from their spouse because they cannot see the monsters you are seeing and is more logical about your situation which is interpreted as dining with the oppressors.

Some will go the hibernation way, and I have talked about that elsewhere.

Our interest however is those who will insist on continuing with ministering amidst the wounds.

They will rarely, if ever, agree to serve under anybody, simply because you can’t determine the distance to keep from your ‘boss’. But it is easy to do the same with your subordinates.

Subordinates are also safe because they simply can’t cause much injury.

But as a human being, the cry for companionship is powerful. The craving for that hug over time becomes overwhelming. And it is worse because you really have nobody you can relate with at the same level because you are the boss.

When someone comes to you for help with injuries you will simply find a kindred soul. And that hug you give in assurance could very easily lead to you being another monster.

You see, having insulated yourself from the human touch you started to behave as if abnormal was normal without knowing that your emotions were boiling just below the skin. You were therefore more vulnerable than a naked baby outside at night.

That reassuring hug gave vent to all those submerged pressures. And their release was as fast and powerful as a tire burst that you were unable to rein in on them let alone understand what was happening.

And just like that you changed from a victim to a culprit.

Sadly, it relieves all that pressure that it feels like redemption. It is only at the mind level that it is sin, and over time the mind can be conditioned to think otherwise. But at all the other levels it feels so good.

When your victim shares their conviction, you wonder what they are saying since that is what saved you, or so you think. It released you from the jail you had locked yourself in in an instant.

You then start looking for those releases and become the pain you were running from.

And it happens through all aspects of abuse.

Pain that God has not been allowed to heal becomes repetitive as the abused becomes an abuser.

We will be looking at other aspects later.

(I have posted today because I will be on a trip next week. Pray for me)

Wounded Fighters

I have severally written about hibernating ministers. These are ministers who suffered severe injuries as they ministered that they more or less decided that ministry was too hurting to attempt or that the risks of injury were too many. They therefore rejected ministry, or something like it.

It is important to state that they did not go back to sin or turn back from the faith as many would want to think. It was that they gave up on ministry from the many injuries they received as they served.

Today I want us to look at another category of ministers and their response to injuries. And they are more dangerous than the hibernators.

These decide to continue fighting despite their injuries.

The sad part is that those injuries make them extremely sensitive, even to a supportive touch.

Imagine receiving a caress on a sore wound! Even a simple touch makes someone wince.

This means that a friendly tap is very easily interpreted as a deliberate blow. He might therefore hit at someone who was just trying to be friendly.

It goes without say that serving despite an injury is detrimental to ministry. Yet a lot of ministries nowadays are started and run by wounded ministers.

Just imagine an army marching to war. They are crawling close together like we see in movies towards their embankment.

Imagine that one of them has a festering wound.

Then the one next to him, as must happen, rubs against that wound.

Of course he won’t just say ouch as the pain would be extreme.

He would most likely kick at the ones behind him and probably stand to see this enemy who was so cruel as to hurt him.

Then the ones he kicked would also react in shock and anger at this fool who was compromising their march. They may also stand to prove a point to this idiot.

What then happens?

The whole unit becomes exposed. All because they allowed a wounded soldier to join them.

This speaks of the church. In fact, it is prevalent in church as the army will never allow anyone who is hurting to join in the war. But the church does.

A wounded fighter is therefore a negative impact to the church of Christ.

He should be first healed before going back to serve as happens with any army.

God will never allow any minister to serve suffering the kind of injuries we receive in the course of our ministering. He wants us to first heal. And He does heal us when we give Him the chance.

I am writing this because I have been severely wounded. And the wounds are even worse when they come from people we honor and respect, those we hold in high esteem.

But even better is that God has consistently healed me and gave me enough fresh starts to minister to Him. I therefore understand firsthand how a wound can affect ministry.

What happens when a minister with a wound refuses to retreat and receive healing?

The first is that they are unable to distinguish between a friend and an enemy. Like in the illustration I have given, an innocent question can open the floodgates of unwanted reaction on innocent bystanders.

The hurting will normally hurt others. That is why in the event of a relationship breakage the couple is advised to heal first before making another move.

Again that break doesn’t happen in ministry.

Most will run off in a huff to start a ministry or church to prove to those who hurt them that they can also or still minister, transferring all that hurt to a new ground.

Then they will start a new hurting process on others.

Treat this as an introduction

The Genesis of a Fall

Then said Solomon, The LORD hath said that he would dwell in the thick darkness. But I have built an house of habitation for thee, and a place for thy dwelling for ever. (2Chronicles 6:1, 2)

We have always been taught that women were the downfall of Solomon.

But recently God showed me something that explains how far back Solomon’s fall can be traced.

Does it not surprise you as it did me that he was boasting (or something like it) to God when the temple was completed?

Yet was that the truth?

Let us look at the whole process.

David is the one who had the vision and burden for building God a house. And it was to him a worship response to the God he knew as opposed to a need God had that he needed to sort like Solomon was saying.

Of course he was explained by God why he could not build. But that did not stop him.

He bought all the materials, from the ornamental to the building ones.

He then drew the architectural plans.

He bought the land on which the temple would be built.

Then he raised the building experts.

He even raised encouragers so that Solomon can maintain the motivation to build.

He even had the singers and other ministers for the temple organised.

What then did Solomon do?

It can be equated to signing a document his father had negotiated for years.

Then he boasts of his negotiation prowess after signing that document!

His confession seems to trash all the work that had been done long before he even came into the picture. A plaster or wallpaper supervisor has claimed responsibility for the building that started before he was even born.

But that is not the only problem.

He then starts behaving as if God owes him one for that excellent work. This explains why he started treating God’s word and revelation as optional. You see, according to his contribution, he was surely exempt from those many rules.

We can call it pride, but I think the more accurate word for it would be entitlement.

You see, according to that confession, misplaced as it was, he was the only person in Israel who had built God a house. Imagine he had done something that all the fathers of faith had never conceptualized!

Yet that was only according to him. And that memory lapse cost him a spiritual relationship with God.

Even the reason (or purpose) for that building got completely lost.

You see, David did not seek to build God a house because God needed a house. It was his relationship with God that drove him there.

But Solomon thinks he has met God’s need for a house. In other words he had done God a very good turn. He therefore qualified for a return one from Him.

Why then waste time on the scriptures when God owed him? Why restrict himself only to beauties from a few nations that God had indicated (and only a few as per the scriptures) when God was in his debt?

I am convinced that was the context at which Solomon fell.

Compare that with his father, David.

In 1 Samuel 30 we have Amalekites raiding Ziklag in the absence of David’s army and taking off with everything and everyone as well as razing it.

The army comes and is so discouraged that they want to stone David.

David then prays and gets an answer from God. Pursue them and you will recover all.

As they pursue they get to a river where some are too tired to cross. They are therefore left with the supplies as the main army pursues.

Well, they succeed and even amass much spoil.

When they get to their colleagues who were left, some in the army (it is interesting that the Bible calls them wicked sons of Belial) tell them that they will get nothing from the spoil, of course because they did not fight for it. But look at David.

Then said David, Ye shall not do so, my brethren, with that which the LORD hath given us, who hath preserved us, and delivered the company that came against us into our hand. For who will hearken unto you in this matter? but as his part is that goeth down to the battle, so shall his part be that tarrieth by the stuff: they shall part alike. (1Samuel 30: 23, 24)

The army was more justified than Solomon in trashing the ones who did not join the war. But David brings out the wholesome perspective.

The first is that it was God who had given the victory He had promised. And second is that the ones who remained with the stuff had made it possible for the army to fight light. This made it possible then for them to fight better.

Unlike Solomon, no single person deserved all the kudos for a job well done. That was the context under which the spoils were shared equally. You see, when God gives the victory, the human element is not exceptional as he is only cooperating with God as opposed to Solomon who was boasting to God about building Him a house.

One other person in the Bible suffered a similar fate.

Hezekiah did a tremendous job of leading Israel to God.

Then God tells him to hand over the kingdom as his assignment was complete.

He prays and cries bitterly, feeling that probably he has not reaped the fruit of his work, probably because he had no heir.

God adds him fifteen years.

That is where his problems started.

Like Solomon pride rears its ugly head. I can imagine how he felt changing God’s declaration concerning him.

I suspect he became the expert on prayer that moves mountains, or something like that.

Then he became content and self-focused. To the point that even when the said posterity is prophesied to be made eunuchs due to his error he does not seem to mind.

No wonder he produced Manasseh, the wickedest king of all, the one who had to be captured to know the God of his fathers.

What am I saying?

Gratitude is not just about thanking God for what He has enabled you do. It must include the other players God used in the process.

You may be the visible player in that ministry or work. But there are many other players, some you have no capacity of knowing, who contributed in a great way to your being able to do what you did.

Like those tired soldiers, they keep the supplies safe so that you can fight light without baggage.

Will you start being grateful for things and people God hides as He allows you to shine?

As an example, how many people cheer me to success in ministry? How many pray ceaselessly for my victory yet will never tell me so? How many give secretly so that I do not know them? How many encourage my wife and children so that they do not become an extra burden to my ministry?

How many enemies whose focus on breaking me have contributed to my great focus and clarity as I continue serving?

Varsity on the Hill Need

I have been sharing on the need to prepare ministers, especially missionaries to be able to serve God without necessarily needing support from structures. In fact, I am at this point praying about it as I plan to establish the first such centre.

But I will share some things I heard during my latest mission to the Coast to get you in the frame of starting to earnestly pray for that release.

Do you know that the validity of your calling depends on the connection of the leader of the structure you serve under to God? In other words, your calling is irrelevant if the leaders have lost theirs.

A friend who has been in ministry for over forty years was recently kicked out of the ministry he has been serving under and had to start afresh. All because he went in private to the head (like Christ advised) to tell him that he felt that the direction ministry was taking was not good, or something like that.

I have also suffered something similar a number of times. You take the scriptural and spiritual route and get punished severely.

Another friend I knew had been on a remote mission station for over twenty years. He even bought a plot to build the church by selling another one they had had some distance from the town.

The mission sent him some little money to start building the church. Unfortunately, they had not sent him support for a very long time.

He reasoned like most people in that situation. If they have money to start building, surely my support must be on its way. And I suspect the support due him was more than the little money they had sent him to start building.

Living without support for a long time in a place you minister means you will have several debts. And as it is a place I have been I know it is a very expensive mission field.

He therefore thought to use some of it to deal with some pressing needs as he waited for his support which to him was imminent. Then, once his support came, he would immediately commence the building.

Well, the support didn’t arrive. And the bosses started demanding results. Anyone who has been in church leadership knows how a simple thing can be blown out of all proportions to imply some impossibility.

Finally, the pressure so increased that he died for shock or something like it, leaving his family like that.

Another one had also been on the mission field for long. He had more or less established himself there.

Then the sending denomination decides they are through with missionaries and missions.

They therefore sent communication to all their missionaries asking them to go back home (where they were born) as they wait until the church leadership can place them when they see a church needing a pastor. They even sent them money to make the move. We are talking about dozens of them.

But this missionary had no place to lay his head at home as he had invested his all on the mission field having joined missions as a young man. Where does he go? And he has stuff and family.

That pressure also overcame him and he died.

I am sure you know of a minister who was kicked from a position because he refused to agree with the sins of the bosses.

Why should a minister’s calling be subject to people who do not share his reverence for God?

Are all structures wicked? I know someone is wondering.

Of course not. Sadly, some structures that were started on a solid spiritual foundation floundered when the leadership lost the connection. Sometimes it happened because the leadership saw a different vision and decided that what they were pursuing no longer fit in with their new vision. Yet they refused to consider the people (especially dependents) who had earlier bought into their previous vision.

Others had a leadership change and the new leadership becomes removed from the original vision.

Still others have an overthrowal of sorts and the new leadership seeks to kill the original vision to be able to get rid of the history of the ministry.

How does that happen?

A vision will normally attract favor and release. This means that resources will start flowing where the vision is clearly set.

Sadly, far too many believers do not know what a vision is and so are unable to relate to one. They think or see it as a very creative and smart work of a very hardworking person.

It means they will think that what they will need to succeed is work harder than the visionary.

They will then support exceptionally and do any assignment with utmost commitment

The results will be so clear to anyone who looks. This means that they will be entrusted with a vision they have no idea exists. But they will be acting and speaking of the vision as they hear it being spoken by the visionary.

What will happen when they are entrusted with the vision? They will simply transfer its priorities to things that make sense to his mind, things that have nothing to do with the vision.

Yet others will join the vision and as they get deeper and deeper in it start seeing wastefulness as too much resources are being poured on a vision that does not exist (in his mind and heart of course).

He will therefore infiltrate the leadership so that he can take over the running of those resources being wasted on ‘nonsense’. And they will many times succeed as the visionary is many times so focused on the vision to waste his effort on administration for example.

He will discover that he has suddenly been kicked out of a structure God led him to establish.

These are things I have seen. Some I have also experienced firsthand.

What does such change of vision engender for the minister who responded to God’s call under the original visionary? How will he continue accountability relationships with the new leadership that has divested from the vision that sent him into mission field? How will the new leadership support something they have disowned or discarded?

The other day a pastor told me a story I have heard all too often.

He started a church from scratch and God blessed his ministry. In a short time it was flourishing. They were able to buy land and start building.

Then the denomination informed him that he has no congregation, indirectly implying that he closes the church.

Of course he demonstrated to them that the church was not only there, it was growing.

They then sent him to a place so far to establish a new work. When he protested (of course he had a family and couldn’t just move like that), they asked him to briefly step aside as they investigated the issue of there being no congregation?

But that was just a pretext to plant another pastor and get rid of him. Over two years down the line and they have not finished the investigation or communicated.

Those are some of the guiding principles in the establishment of Varsity on the Hill.

The vision is of preparing ministers who will be able to continue bearing fruit whatever happens. Their ministry will only be subject to God’s revelation as they walk in obedience.

The purpose of the skills is twofold.

First is to enable the missionary live very cheaply by being in a position to do the bulk of repairs himself.

That is essential because I have been to missionaries who have stores full to overflowing with broken down equipment, many of which have very minor breakages. And they do not have the money to take the same for repair.

Thus knowing basic electrical wiring will enable him to deal with the basic repair and wiring jobs in the house. Knowing how to change a car wheel will get him out of a sticky place. And knowing the basics of vehicle maintenance can drastically reduce running costs when a car is available.

The second is to enable him become real salt wherever he is sent. This is because he will become a solution provider by sorting little problems in the community he is ministering to. It might even end up becoming an income stream if God leads that way.

Living within available means will be a key component of the training as is the creative utilization of available materials.

This is what will make the missionary able to live wherever God sends him whether support is forthcoming or not. In other words, he is not desperately dependent on the structure that sent him.

Again I am reminded of people who were promised support before departing to the mission field who realized too late that they were being politely dumped as no support ever arrived.

So, we are basically preparing a minister who can minister only with God’s release. He will appreciate support but it is not that support keeping him on the mission field.

Will we pray?

Is God telling you anything concerning it?