My Dress My Choice

You know who a hawker is. Now suppose you see a person wearing six watches and holding more and with many necklaces and jingling them as he walks. He also has many necklaces on his neck. What will you assume? He is a walking jewelry shop.

Now suppose you became interested in what he is offering and ask to see his selection and he answers you thus.

‘Why are you treating me like a hawker?’

What will you feel? To say that you will feel confused is an understatement. This guy was a hawker by all appearances. Taking offense when you treat him thus will leave you more offended.

Let us take that to the recent happenings and demonstrations about dressing and undressing in public.

And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. (Proverbs 7:10)

Any dress will send a particular signal to the observer.

Who is a prostitute (harlot)? It is a woman who offers sexual favors for a fee. How does she market her business? Surely she does not place advertisements on the media as the trade is illegal (though I hear most massage parlors are brothels yet counterfeited as legal businesses).

Like the hawker she parades her goods to be seen by her dressing and language if you gave her the chance to speak. But she advertises her trade primarily by the way she dresses. And it is the same with male prostitutes who offer homosexual encounters. They dress their role. I am reminded of this young man who was thoroughly entertained by a tourist until he was taken to his room and asked to offer the ‘goods’. He was shocked to say the least. He asked what on earth made the tourist think so evil of him and was more shocked when the tourist told him that it was so plain that he was a homosexual player because he had an earring. What to him was a fashion accessory had sent a different signal to a ‘customer’.

What happens when a girl has a harlot’s dressing when she is not one? What do people think when they see her? Like the guy I mentioned on this post, she will send very contradicting messages. Your dressing says you are a prostitute though you are not. Arguing your innocence when you are asked for the ‘goods’ you are offering might be looked at as an insult to those customers. And this explains some of the undressing incidents. I have talked to some drivers and this is what came out.

One girl in question, dressed like a harlot is greeted with catcalls or seductive language since her dressing leads people to interpret her intentions. Of course she is very offended for that ‘demeaning’ treatment and hits back with words (and we know women can shoot words). The touts are first shocked wordless. They do not understand this harlot who is denying her profession. An argument ensues and tempers flare and of course the stronger one wins; which means the hypocritical ‘harlot’ is put in her place.

I do not support the undressing. But it is important to get to the root of the matter so that we can address it properly and completely. We may jail all the touts in all the stages but will not be able to conclusively deal with this issue unless we address the core issues.

Our women are dressing badly. If we will use the Bible language, they are dressing like prostitutes. Yet they are terribly offended when they are treated thus. It is a contradiction. And it is a contradiction with dire consequences to all if it is not addressed in time.

Why are so many attractive women not getting married? In a man’s eyes they are prostitutes or are suspected of being so. And we do not marry prostitutes. We simply pay them for sexual favors and leave it at that. We will close their case once we take them to bed as that is why they exist. You can never consider taking a prostitute home as a wife.

In the same vein how many ‘plain’, traditional, backward and conservatively dressed girls fail to get husbands, and not even as second wives even as those progressive ones are desperately looking to be nowadays? A man will play with this beautiful girl, take her to resorts for holidays yet go for the plain looking girl when he wants a wife. Hate me if you will but that is the reality.

Do you want to be treated with respect? Then dress respectfully. Do not dress to attract attention yet take offense if that attention is negative. Though you can attract attention, only the one offering that attention decides the kind he will give.

Consider fast food joints. Who ever goes there to have a meeting over a meal? It is interesting that everybody there seems to be in a hurry to leave, however expensive their meal might be. But a simpler restaurant offering very plain fare will have people eating very leisurely and carrying out conversations over those cheap and plain meals or drinks.

Why is that? The atmosphere of the restaurant is not rushed. No one feels threatened with all the rush as occurs with the fast food joints.

And that is what dressing speaks about you. You might be very homely, reserved and wise and all those other positive traits any woman craves. But your dressing tells men that you are a passageway, in Kiswahili ‘mtu wa kupitiwa’. They will pass through you in a hurry as your dressing says that you handle a lot of traffic. And that is why you are good enough for holidays and dinners yet will never be introduced to any in laws. That is why a man will comfortably pay your house rent and buy you a car so that he can access those sexual favors at will yet never even once introduce you to any of his friends of substance.

You are temporary. They are interested in your body but do not care a whit about you. You are as useful as those looks and sex and as disposable as a toilet tissue once you have run your course.

How many plain girls are exploited? How many are used as sex toys? How many are deceived with marriage that goes as far as the bed of sex? How many are single mothers?

It is very difficult to deceive such a girl. Your whole system will revolt at such an idea. And of course she does not demand so much beyond respect as she does not care for the class you are obsessed with. And she is simple. Just go to her parents if you fancy her and she will become your wife.

And that is what a man reads in your dress. It is deception to think you are marriage material when your dressing says that you are a sex plaything. They will deceive you with marriage just to access the sex you have to offer yet will never want to make that marriage official. And that explains the reason many ‘wives’ appear to the public when their ‘husband’ dies. That man was just exploiting them whatever else he gave. Yet you will find their official wife is very plain and uncomplicated. A man will normally say that he fell into temptation with the glitter that was the other woman. And that glitter is a shame to his image if his family gets to see it.

Change the way you dress and you will be amazed at the kind of positive attention you will receive. Unless you have never seen a woman or even girl who is treated with amazing respect by those same touts who are undressing others. And many times it is their plain dressing that attracts that respect.

But I am not excusing those who have made it their business to be dress cops. They are abominable. They are foolish however offended they may have felt. And my argument is that two wrongs will never make a right.

But that is not much different from the university students who stone innocent people’s vehicles when they experience a power blackout. It is not different from these politicians who block roads for whatever reason to make their voice heard as it might block someone from accessing emergency medical intervention and probable die as you are making that selfish voice heard. It is not much different from these corrupt fellows who scheme to transfer drugs form government hospitals to their own clinics. It is not any different from leaders who fuel and fund insecurity and terrorism so that the government can be blamed. And it is not different from a woman who turns the attention of a man from his offspring so that she can access those goodies meant for his children.

Mob psychology is very idiotic and many times powerful as to be unstoppable. And this is what happens in those stages. People become as bold as lions yet as unreasonable as donkeys. It is very difficult to think individually when in a mob, yet the mob will never be your defense when you are brought to account for those stupid acts you did and those offensive words you spoke when the mob was behind you.

A Biblical example as usual. In Matthew 27 we see a crowd braying for Christ’s blood. Pilate decides to have nothing to do with that. But they scream more. ‘Let His blood be on us and our children’. In fact they acknowledged that Caesar was their king contrary to their Jewish pride so that the crowd psyche can be satisfied. Fast forward a few weeks later (Acts 5: 28) they are pleading with the apostles to stop preaching about Christ’s death as they did not want His blood to be on them. That is crowd dynamics.

Reminds me of this verse;

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. (Matthew 12:36)

The crowd has no capacity of absolving anyone from personal responsibility. And before God and the law the crowd is divided into its individual members. You are therefore free to use the crowd to gain the courage and momentum to do whatever you have no capacity of doing alone. But it is important to remember that the crowd will not be there when you are facing the consequences of those brave and bold actions and words.

Your dress, woman, is your choice. But remember the ones you dress for also have a choice to judge you as they see fit and their choice is not dependent on you. Allow everybody to have their own choice as you fight for yours. Allow everybody to do as they see fit. But never forget that everybody else has as sovereign choice as you to decide how to react to your dress. And for you who decide that you have the right to punish those you think are not dressed properly remember that that choice is not absolute. There are clear consequences to you as a person even though you used the crowd to gather your courage.

So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. (Romans 14:12)

And finally remember that not only will you reap what you sow, whether it is tempting men to lust after you even in church, or dehumanize the person you deem unworthy of being dressed; but you must never forget that you are not only accountable to society now, but you have an account to settle with the impartial Judge of the universe who judges not only the actions but even their source.

Impress and tempt men all you can. Humiliate women all you can. But remember God is not only seeing. But He will judge.

But on the positive side men should remember that one reason the book of Proverbs was written was to help him avoid the snares of a wayward woman (temptress). That it is the fool and the wicked who are affected and ensnared by her. The wise and reasonable will simply avoid her paths, even if they are always walking by your gates.

And the same Bible has excellent advice that is followed by those you call backward and lacking fashion sense but who will never lack husbands and stable homes. And I need to add that some of the same progressive who sought progress in their marriages and thought it was beneath them to serve a husband (yet serve a boss) are the same ones who are left for the backward house servant.

Read the Bible and you will find out that what I have written is guided by scripture. And the scriptures are the surest guidance in life at all time.