Fear of the Depths

And when the cloud was taken up from the tabernacle, then after that the children of Israel journeyed: and in the place where the cloud abode, there the children of Israel pitched their tents. At the commandment of the LORD the children of Israel journeyed, and at the commandment of the LORD they pitched: as long as the cloud abode upon the tabernacle they rested in their tents. (Numbers 9:17, 18)

And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: and the LORD heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the LORD burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp. (Numbers 11:1)

It is interesting that we seem to crave precise direction and provision of God yet cringe from the same when God seems to agree with our desire. We love to have God speaking to us yet run away from Him when He agrees to do it. We seem to crave His presence yet flee from it when He decides to make an appearance. Our beings seem to show a longing for a close relationship with the Divine but the reality is that that desire does not appear to go deeper than our mouths; it is simply a surface craving.

Why do we express the desire of something our beings have a terrible dread for?

I believe it is because we want to access what God has without needing to become what He wants us to be. We want to profit from Him without needing to be connected to Him. We want the benefits of aligning with God without the responsibility of knowing Him

And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die. (Exodus 20:19)

God had rescued Israel from Egypt and taken them to the mount so that He could solidify His relationship with them so that they instead of dealing with God from a historical frame of mind would have a solid relationship with Him. They saw Him and even heard Him giving them the Ten Commandments.

It was after they had heard God speaking to them that they told Moses to listen for them as we see in the verse.

How was Moses different from the other Israelites that he would not die when God spoke to him? Why could they not trust themselves with the voice of God? What was so different with Moses that he would not die from what would kill the congregation?

The reality of God as a present reality is scarier than anything else in the whole wide world. Close proximity with Him is therefore a really dangerous venture.

Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling. (Psalm 2:11)

Anybody who came into close proximity with God trembled, and that not because he was a sinner. Even the holiest of them, Daniel and Job, trembled in that presence. I say holiest because we have God saying so Himself in Ezekiel 14.

And it is not only in the OT. We see the same during the call of Peter and the centurion who had requested Christ to intervene in the health of his servant.

Why the trembling?

We are coming in the presence of Holiness, a holiness that sheds blinding light on our humanness. And that holiness is accompanied by absolute power and a consuming fire.

It therefore shows us who we really are in the light of that reality. Like Isaiah for the first time we come face to face with our rottenness in the backdrop of that holiness. We realize that we are open to the judgment we deserve to the extent that we can’t even cry for mercy. What can black do in the presence of dazzling white? Yet that is not sufficient to compare with the difference between our nature and God’s holiness.

That explains why we would rather somebody pray for us instead of us battling in the prayer closet for our breakthrough. That is why we visit the prophet instead of bathing in God’s presence for our revelation. That is why we buy books and sermons instead of giving the Bible a greater priority in our lives for revelation. And we will pay a premium to have someone get into that presence for us. No wonder we are being fleeced from all corners by anyone who can faintly fake a spiritual connection. We are not ready to build our own relationship with God.

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: (John 10:27)

What proxy do sheep need to hear from their shepherd? Now, assuming we are Christ’s sheep, do we need any proxy to hear His voice? Is it in order when it is the pastor, prophet, apostle who has to hear the Shepherd’s voice for me? When does he hear his own message if he must be hearing for all these sheep?

Why would a sheep run from the shepherd to hear from an under-shepherd? How possible is the voice they hear to be the shepherd’s? How hard would it be to lead such a sheep astray? And why do I say so? How certain would that sheep be that the voice they hear is the Shepherd’s?

I dare say that the reason Israel didn’t want God at close quarters is the same that makes us go far and wide to look for God’s direction when we know that God is as far from us as an open Bible and our personal pursuit of holiness. We go to prophets because we are not ready for the change we know a personal encounter with God may demand. We pay to be prayed for because we are not prepared to handle the kind of answers God will give us when we are the ones praying.

I am sure the rich young ruler went home regretting why he went to Jesus in the first place. Jesus made the options extremely stark because He was more interested in him than the money his offering would have brought to the ministry. The Bible says that Jesus loved him before giving the killer blow. And that is the kind of love we have problems with. A mortal would not easily trash that Mercedes or house as the creator would. That is the reason a mortal is a safer bet than the creator to give direction.

Could the reason you are always visiting prophets be that you are not ready to hear God’s voice at close quarters; and that because you are not ready or willing to obey it because you have a faint suspicion of the sacrifices that would require? Could the reason you always seek corporate fasts be that you fear God coming through for you as you know that He will most certainly topple all your apple carts?

You see facing God leaves one with only two options; obey or rebel. I can have no excuse or explanation for my rebellion. Feeling sorrowful, even crying through the night will never make my rebellion any better because the command is clear. That is why we fear what we crave if it is the Lord.

Some time ago God gave me a message that was so radical even for the radical me. I first refused to write because of the implications. I did not want to write it because I did not want to post it on my blog because I felt it would attract so much opposition, even hatred. But another reason was that it would really hammer me to shape though that was not easily visible when it was coming.

But it boiled down to this, will I write what I am being commanded or not? The message was not mine even as the audience was not mine. Will I obey or not?

I chose to obey. And as I continued listening and writing the message I was really worked on, for over three months! When the message was complete I was commanded to make it into a book, which I did and even designed the cover. I have just published it, two years later but I am sure that those who read my blog know that the messages I post changed after agreeing to handle those messages. Probably that was the reason my system was instinctively cringing from listening to those messages. Of course my defense systems had to look for reasons to convince God (myself actually) that people will not receive the messages. I may have been the one resisting the messages because I was not very willing to get as deep as the messages would require.

What reasons do you give for not consistently reading the Bible? What reasons do you give for only reading the predictable (attractive) portions of scripture? Why do you always make noise in prayer even as you run away from the prayer closet where you must listen not only to your heart but the possibility of God breaking through and speaking to you clearly? Why do you only read books from your favorite spiritual superstars (conmen) who will only tell you what you want to hear? Why do you always listen to sermons from those who will choose to entertain instead of challenging you in God’s direction? Why do you listen to songs which draw dance moves instead of a holy life?

Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts… (Psalm 42:7a)

It is impossible to access the depths if all you are interested is the surface. It is folly to expect to be a good swimmer if all the time I am at the shallow children’s end. It is impossible to access revelation if all I am interested in is to know the best prophet to visit. It is impossible to enjoy prayer breakthroughs if all I know is the most powerful prayer warriors to intercede for me. And it is impossible to experience the blessing that comes from giving if I depend on others’ direction to make a decision to give.

God is interested in guiding us in the minutest detail.

I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye. Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule, which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee. (Psalm 32:8, 9)

Are those bits and bridles the sermons we value more than we value God’s word? Are they those prayer giants who must pray for us? Are they that noise we must make in prayer? Are they the music that must be played to get us into the mood of prayer/ worship? Are they the support we must have before responding to His call to ministry?

What crutches do we use in our devotional life? Do they suffocate our worship instead of being accessories to it? Can we walk into our spiritual destiny without them or we would rather get to heaven crippled instead of allowing Christ to release me to walk in His resurrection power?

What must we have to relate with God? Is God sufficient or must we have our ‘Moses’ to connect us with Him for fear that getting as close as that ‘Moses’ would kill me? Is death an excuse to shield me from a life changing encounter with God?

How deep are we willing to go in our relationship with God?

You see an encounter with God has great ramifications on the way we live even beyond dealing with our sin. Zacchaeus ended almost penniless after his meeting with Christ. The villages the demoniac Legion roamed had their economy brought to their knees by His visitation. Plus many, many other incidents.

Are you ready to get deep with God? Could you stop making that music that is driven more by the expected sales than ministry? Could you stop pastoring that church that has refused to grow because they have insisted that you stop preaching the hard stuff because they pay you really well? Could you stop writing those books that are best sellers if God showed you that the message in them was driven by the sales instead of the message of the cross?

How far are you ready to go to get deeper with God?