Falling Forwards 2

I know some of you, especially those who have known me for a long time, are wondering how my last post came about.

How can I be fixated on waiting yet they know me as one always on the move? Was I idle?

I wasn’t idle. I was in fact still involved in ministry.

But I was not doing much; At least not according to God, or even me.

Let me explain.

What happens when a vision is crystal clear?

Varsity on the Hill was very clear but it did not fixate me. Why? Its fulfillment requires enormity in terms of resources and ministers. It requires huge parcel(s) of land, several buildings and faculties.

In short, the clarity of the vision could not blind me to the fact that there must be time before God actualizes it. I was therefore sure that it was a vision for the future. That was the reason I put it down in writing.

Ministry and Mortality was also a vision. And it was also very clear. Probably that is where my problems started.

I could see the vehicle and the equipment it would require. Everything was ‘actually’ visible, so visible that I started organizing the van to make sure everything will be in its place so that every little cranny is occupied to minimize on the wastage of space. You see, we need as much seating space as possible without compromising on the equipment.

Then the vision was actually easily achievable. God would just need to order someone to give the van and a few others to give the equipment and we would be good to go. And there were enough partners who had bought that vision in terms of training and technical assistance.

In short, all we needed was a van, a van I had seen very clearly, and a few equipments and the ministry would be rolling. The vision was easily achievable, or so I thought.

I gave an artist friend of mine what God had showed me so that he could come up with a concept picture but was unable to wait for him to complete drawing because I thought about the urgency of that vision. I thought I was already late. I therefore posted the vision without that concept picture.

The urgency was blinding, if I may call it that. You see, I was already two years behind schedule (after my 50^th birthday). And it was something I had been thinking about, and even sharing for quite some time.

For me therefore the vision was the actualization of that, the final marching orders from heaven.

Why should it take time?

But God is not like us. His timetable is not like ours. And that is where I got lost.

I started waiting for the van. I started watching out for the van. I even started looking for similar vans on sale as God could as well challenge someone to ask me to point out one for them to buy for this ministry. And you can be sure I also was doing the same for the equipment.

But you see God is more interested in people than equipment. The more time and effort I spent on the visible, the less I spent on the necessary – people, the main reason for the equipment.

I hope you understand what I mean.

I started wasting (I thought I was spending) almost every waking moment thinking and planning about that vision. You see it was my next ministry arena.

About the same time my computer died and so I was also forced to stop writing.

If you think that is not frustrating I think you should look for the meaning of frustration.

That is the point at which God rebuked me.

At that time everything was falling apart. Support became non existent, ministry became frustrating. In short I came to the end of my wits, the best place for God to speak. At least I was able to hear.

Please pray that God reverses those fortunes. Pray that support for the ministry I am involved in revives. Pray especially that I will reconnect with the ministry God has for me this season which is walking with another generation of ministers to make them the best God will have them be.

Then send in support where you can as I am still in that wilderness.

God bless you

Why am I writing this? Three main reasons

First, the Bible admonishes us to confess our sins one to another and pray for one another that we may be healed. It is in my confession that someone will be able to easily identify with my challenges in ministry.

Second, many believers exempt ministers from foibles. Of course many ministers enjoy that so much. But the reality is that even the best of us is just like you. We depend on grace just as you do, even more. Remember that even Moses who spoke with God face to face was exempted from crossing over for sinning against God? We are therefore not superhuman. We are just clothed with that extra grace to serve God in circumstances different from yours. So pray for us.

Third, I know there is someone out there who is struggling with what I have gone through. There is someone who is stuck on an assignment God closed because it still feeds him. Someone can’t leave a ministry because they fear the unknown. Better the devil you know is more prevalent in ministry and calling than anywhere else because God will always call His people from the known to the unknown, from the familiar to the hidden.

There is a local evangelist who has been fighting the call to the uttermost parts of the world because they feel they just can’t go. There is someone who is stuck with singing in church when their call is elsewhere because they fear serving without crowds. And I know there are enough pastors who are in the wrong churches because they do not want to go to a church that does not have enough money to pay them.

God rewards faithfulness and obedience and not effectiveness. That is why Matthew 7: 21 – 23 parades these very effective ministers heading to hell.

My fellow minister, please get unstuck. There is more to God than the familiar. In fact there is minimal revelation in the familiar. Will you start walking with God to the unknown that He knows perfectly?